Molehills to Mountains

Minor pet peeves can get bigger if an individual does not honor his or her emotions.  If one does not create a boundary for him herself, then things can go south pretty fast.  It is always that one person who disrespects another individual in small ways that add up over time.  This person in my life is my roommate.

The relationship as a whole is not too terrible.  I found it rather annoying that she laughed at me when I said that I wanted a new dresser for Christmas this past year.  Both she and I were not doing that well financially last year.  Even with this fact, I did not appreciate the laughter.  I should have said something in the car when this competition conversation transpired, but I did not want to start an argument over it.  Being positive can be difficult sometimes due to my roommates negativity.  Sometimes I absorb her negative thinking and believe that it is my own.   I was worried about doing my taxes while living under the table in a different place than what is on my legal documents.  The thing that I did not realize at the time is that my roommate prefers the apartment to look as if no one else lives there but her and so that line of thinking entered my head while trying to get my taxes done for the current year.  I still have ways to go in deflecting the negativity of others.

My roommate is always in a rush to get somewhere.  I question where she is trying to get half the time because I do not understand the reaeon behind it.  She would drive me somewhere, and then rush me to get out of the car.  It is only a few minutes more, so I don't understand what the big deal is really about.   You always have more time. Time does not go anywhere   My roommate seems like she has a split personality.  She can be so gentle at times, and then gets caught up in anger.  It is rather weird.

Maybe I try too hard to look past an individual's fault in order to see his or her more positive traits.  I should call her out on things when they happen and stick up for myself more often instead of letting things slide.  The truth of the matter is that the relationship does not work.  it never has.  My roommate let me stay at her place due to a foreclosure on my father's house.   It is time for me to move on and say goodbye.  There's no point in trying to prolong my stay.  We are in two different worlds trying to occupy the same space, but it is not working any longer.  Letting go can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil when it comes to moving forward in one's life.  I accept that this aspect no longer works, and I want to embrace the new coming into my life.

Independence is a Nightmare

Taking big leaps in life can be difficult for absolutely everyone.  They can be devastating for those who have never lived independently at any point during his or her life.  Independence is a freeing experience, but it means that the illusions one might have lived under are now gone.  One finally realizes the weight of every decision he or she makes. 

I lived a sheltered life when I was younger due to being born with Cerebral Palsy.  My mother did not let me do anything by myself.  She always insisted on helping me with absolutely everything.  I never learned how to do basic things like dressing myself, going number two, and tying shoes until much later in my childhood than most other people. 

My father saw me as a source of pride.  He was proud of me for graduating college.  This was not for my sake.  It was for bragging rights on how well his bloodline was doing.  I had to do everything the way my father wanted without question.  Every time I would fight him on something, he would bring up the fact that he paid for my college education. My father also helped me get from place to place since I could not drive.

My job mimicked the relationship that my father and I shared.  I was told what to do and when.  I spoke to people on the phone using a script template helping them with their unpaid bills.  The only thing was that most people did not really want help understanding anything.  All they wanted to do was complain about why they could not work or whine about every minor tax charge on the bill.  The customers would ask what all of the tax charges meant.  I hated explaining every minor tax charge because there really was not a straight answer what each tax item.  I wanted to tell these people that taxes are part of life and to stop nickel and diming everything. Maybe they would they would get somewhere in life is they actually put effort towards something productive instead of arguing taxes that add up to a dollar on the second page of a bill.  I actually failed a call one time just because I politely told a customer that the reason that his was high was because he had not payment on it in five months.  I was told that I should have told him about energy saving tips instead.  Each individual bill was not high so telling the customer about the energy tips would have been incorrect information. 

After my father passed away last year, I felt free for the first time in my life.  I could actually do what I wanted.  I started studying a lot as well as writing.  I had started a youtube channel a few years earlier and went back and forth on whether I should continue making videos.  I thought that I would eventually find my way if I followed my passions to a degree.  Now everything has come crashing down. I lost my job, my doctor, my family, and my home.  I never had anything in my name before my father passed away, so organizations including homeless shelters will not help me.  I still have not narrowed down what I want to do with my life.  I do not know how to take steps to write for a living or counsel others.  I do not have the money for school.  Due to transportation restrains, I cannot afford to travel far away for job interviews.  I majored in philosophy when I went to college and graduated with Bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts.  I decided to go into philosophy because I was bad at both math and science.  I lack practical skills outside Microsoft Office.  I do not perform well in fast paced environments.  Due to not being able to drive, my chances of being promoted to a high position by a company are rather slim.  Corporations want people that can adapt to new situations immediately.

Since I have lost everything in the area I am living now, I decided that the best course of action is to move far away.  I kept getting blocked from getting a place in the Baltimore area, so I took that as a sign that I should not be here anymore.  I do not know how to take steps to move somewhere else, and I cannot get help from anyone else because everyone I know is living in survival mode and feel that they cannot sustain themselves if they are not working at their jobs 24/7. 

I have begun to wonder if counseling others and writing is what I truly want to do, or is it something that seems desirable because it is better than call center work.  What if somehow I found a practical application for writing and counseling, but ended up hating it?    It does not seem like I will actually get the chance to see if that is true or not since I cannot figure out how to actually make money doing what I say I like to do.  Most of the daily grind jobs out there right now are customer service or sales jobs that pay less than where I was employed.  If my soul screamed like a banshee for me to get out of my current job, then why is it being so coy about what I should do next with my life?  When things are not going the way the universe wants, it will make a person ill so he or she will slow down and focus on other things, but when the individual does not know the steps to take, the universe only gives out small hints on what to do.  How did I get too sensitive to work in a call center in the first place?  I worked for two years without a problem, and then all the sudden, everything about the place bothered me to no end.  I also got sick a lot as well. 

I am not trying to state that the universe is against me, but I feel as though it is having its cake and eating it too.  It tells me in a sharp manner to head a different direction than the one that I have been going towards, but then it uses the “free will” card when it comes to what I should do next.  Where are all the theatrics and light shows when it comes to my new path?  Where was the “free will” card before I started having lucid dreams and incidents of sickness telling me to go in a different direction?  As I stated earlier I worked at the call center years without much of a problem.  I was fine with the job back then.  I never asked to have lucid dreams.  I did not know that lucid dreaming was possible, nor did I attempt to have a lucid dream.  Where was my   Now I have to get a similar job to what I just had that will pay a lot less.  Then when I do not have time to engage in my passions, the universe will once again come up on me and make me sick all.  I will be back to square one.

I do not know how to finish the cycle I am in right now.  I do not know how to meet my needs in a way that is actually beneficial to my sense of self.  I get thrusted in this new direction with no clarity about how to navigate.  I learned a lot of things and met many great people, but all of this does not help me manifest what I want in a practical way.  I have a lot of obstacles in my way that I do not know how to overcome by myself without help.  I have already asked help from others numerous times and was turned away. 

I do not understand how the universe expects me to be this independent right out of the gate.  People usually have to learn the ropes before they can do everything by themselves.  I am not completely in the dark.  I know how to take care of daily practical matters, but I am being asked to figure everything out myself even though the obstacles I face can only be overcome by multiple people.  I am just beginning to do things on my own, so why am I facing challenges that somebody with twenty years of experience of being independent would have a tough time handling?  I have asked the spirit world for help as well, but all I ever see is mixes 1s and 7s, 3s and 7s, 4s and 7s, and 1s and 6s.  The first three mixed numbers indicate that I am headed in the right direction.  The last number means to ask for help from others in regards to a material situation.  I am not going to count the times that I have asked for help and was turned down. 

I have done everything that I can possibly think of at this point.  The only thing I have not done is look how to ship my belongings across the country.  I will probably try that next.  My life in Baltimore is pretty over at this point, and staying that much longer would just be procrastinating the inevitable.  If there is not anything here, then that is it.  Under normal circumstances, one needs to plan out a big move, but all the events that have taken place are hardly traditional by any stretch of the imagination.  I am just going to have to figure out how to use my newly found sensitive and my writing skills as I go along.  I am not a huge fan of this approach, but it is all that I have as of right now.           

A Fragment in time that Changed my life Forever

Author's note:  (I just wanted to share something that I wrote a little over a year ago.  I recently have been a little down and out, but then I realized how far that I have come.  My thoughts are a lot more coherent now than ever before.  This is because of all of those who have taken time to read what I have written.  If no one read what I have posted, then I would have never gone anywhere.  Thanks goes out to all that have stood by me all of this time.)  

A person’s career is one of the most important aspects in his or her life.  Choosing the right path in regards to employment can be rather hard task due to pressures from the outside world.  A closer look at the personal traits of an individual will reveal the career that is best suited for him or her.

I am a heavily introverted person and tend to be receptive of the world instead of active.  I am slow to process information while evaluating the world around me before I come to any conclusions whatsoever.  I have a constant barrage of thoughts going through my head every second of the day.  I am a very imaginative human being despite coming off as mechanical in everything that I do.  Unordinary thoughts pop into my head at times when they shouldn’t.  I used to get angry at myself for being this way.  I wanted to be like everyone else and focus on the task at hand as it is presented to me.  However, I was not meant to be this way.  My inner world will always be a lot stronger than my outer world.  My inner world will dominate me even if I am in a room with hundreds of others.  When I lose my voice within my head due to sounds from the outer world, then I get frustrated and want to leave the area.  This is because I tend to pop in and out of existence when my inner world is threatened.  Without my thoughts, I am just a corpse, and I cease to be a human being. 

Working in call center poses huge problems in regards to my personality type.  I take calls back to back with no breathing room in between.  The loud beeping gets annoying quickly each time a call comes through.  The cell phone reception these customers have is complete garbage.  The volume of the static is unbearable in a lot of cases.  This means that my inner world is taken away from me.  This means that I pop in and out of existence while on the phone with other people.  This can create confusion in my speech, and so I will have to end up restating information multiple to customers due to my inner world and outer world competing for my attention.  My mind does not know which one to pick, which results into speech that can sometimes seem nonsensical. 

Break times are also a huge deal for me within the confines of the call center.  We have two fifteen minute breaks within an eight and half hour period.  There is a half hour time slot for lunch that can be taken away if calls keep coming through at an alarming right.  In situations such as this, everybody works through lunch.  The company provides, but what is the point when no one has time to eat it?  A person can only pack so much food into his or her cheek.  Everyone is also required to work mandatory on call on weeks assigned to them.  If a person has an early schedule, then he or she could be working up to four hours extra without any extra break.  People need adhere to the schedule that is given.  There is a bit of leeway regarding the time someone’s paid break begins and ends due to how long the last call runs before that individual can use his or her break time.    Going to the bathroom twice in ten to twelve hours is not enough for anyone with a sensitive pelvic floor.  I am sure others with a standard functioning pelvic floor are suffering as well, but to a lesser degree. 

The way the call center operates with sick days is flat out ridiculous.  If a person calls out sick, then he or she has to call three different numbers.  The employee needs to call his or her supervisor, the attendance line, and the human resources department.  The human resources department should not have any say on sickness whatsoever.  I had a few issues regarding potential gingivitis and pharyngitis.  I also had a few doctor appoints and a meeting with a lawyer that I needed to be present for during the winter months of 2016.  Because the company was in the middle of high bill season, I was not allowed take off for any reason.  I used sick time in order to go to all of my appointments.  It turns out that the company no longer offers the option to use the floating holidays everyone receives on a yearly basis as sick time.  I was formally written up for being sick too often.  One of days I was sick was due to the company encouraging me to go home due to coughing up a storm for a week straight.  The reason that this issue transpired is because the departments within the company that I work for do not communicate with one another.  Every time I have called down to another department to ask a question about a process for a customer’s account, the person on the other line has no clue what needs to be done.  No one talks to one another about anything or anyone.  Once an individual moves from the call center to another department, then he or she forgets all the knowledge that was learned during his or her time taking calls.  An employee should carry knowledge from one department to another even if the knowledge learned does not relate directly to the workload that the employee will be responsible for.  What is the point of doing a job if you are not going to learn anything from doing it? 

All of these events have led me to contemplate about embarking on a new career path.  It is clear that a highly sensitive individual such as myself has no business in a call center.  This call center is for extraverted who react to situations quickly without any kind reflection.  I do not know how to smooth things over in a nice way.  I am not overly blunt with the customers that I talk to everyday, but I do not know how to say things in order to alleviate the angry emotions that the customers are experiencing.  This is because I have to stick to the “script” that I was given in training.  If I cannot interact with the public in an honest and fulfilling way, then what is the point of my job other than to appease people?  If I cannot apply the skills I have learned throughout the entire company, then how can I take my career seriously when all I am doing work to keep myself busy. 

Because of all of the hustling that I have been doing, my health has declined.  I do not eat or drink the way that I should.  My lower back arms hurt from being leaned over a desk all day.  The door to the bathroom is also ridiculously heavy, and has definitely hurt my arm.  Eight hours of sleep is not enough for a person with a dominant inner world.  I will sleep for eight hours and wake up feeling drained.  My throat is dry and scratchy all the time.  I actually was diagnosed with adult allergies.  I am not one to question doctors too often, but the diagnosis I was given was not correct.  I think my issue is that my voice and throat gets tired of yelling at people because no one understands me when I speak at a regular.  This constant yelling has caused me to have throat issues.  The lack of sleep probably contributes to my sinus problems.  Eight hours of sleep is not enough recharge my body.  The customers steal every ounce of energy that I have.  This means that I have no energy to engage in any extracurricular activities on the weekends.  The weekends are spent sleeping or listening to music in order to build up the strength for the following work week.  When I finally took a vacation, my health improved in just three days.  I no longer had pain in my back or arm.  My mental energy could be used in a productive manner.  I did not feel like I had to rest up for two days in a row just to be able to survive.  One might say that almost every person does not like his or her job.  While that may be true, not everyone has a job that impacts their well-being so much that there they cannot do anything else.  These issues go beyond not liking my job.  It is destroying my essence as a living creature.  A highly sensitive introvert like me needs a career path that meets my need to create while also allowing me time alone to recharge my energy.  Everyone has to face obstacles that go against who he or she is as a person at some point, but no one should be forced to act the opposite way to how he or she actually is every day of his or her life.  I need a career that allows me to put my best foot forward.  Anyone can do anything for a short amount of time and be fine.  For example, suppose that someone is great at working with appliances and electronics obtains a job as an editor for a publishing company.  He or she might be good at the job for a while, but his or her extraverted needs will not be met sitting inside a room at a computer not talking to people on a regular basis.  This person will eventually feel as though he or she is wasting his or her talent editing papers.  This individual would most likely feel more actualized working as a plumber instead of remaining locked in one room all day long.  Who you are will eventually catch up with you.  A person has to choose what is important to him or her.  Should a person sacrifice his or her health for financial security, or should he or she feel good about him or herself from a mental perspective and sacrifice material perks to feel healthy on the inside? 

The answer is pretty clear in my situation.  I need to leave the extraverted life of the call center in order for my health to improve.  I will have to worry about money for a while, but in the end, I will feel better about my mental state.  I will be able to be creative and feel as though I have enough energy to finish things to completion.  There will be some tough times ahead, but I have weathered through the employment storm before, and I can do it again.  I need to find my purpose in life.  The universe is not going to put me through sixteen surgeries and a gender transformation just so I can sit inside of a call center and not be able to interact with others as an authentic human being.      

Changing One's Perception Through Dream Analysis

Dreams can be quite a mystery when it comes to interpreting them.  Each person dreams every night during sleep.  Most view dreams as nothing more than a fantasy world that one goes to at night.  This philosophy could not be further from the truth.  Understanding one’s dreams can give a person more insight into him or herself than he or she ever imagined.  The representations within the dream world might give information about where one should go in life. 

The first step to understanding one’s dreams is to keep a dream diary.  The dreamer needs to write in the diary every day right after he or she wakes up in the morning.  The more time one wastes before writing the dream down, the less he or she will remember about what events took place while asleep.  Dream image retention will increase the more dreams are written down.  Dreams will become more vivid the more one pays attention to them.  The dreamer might feel as if he or she is traveling through time.  There will be a feeling as if an individual has been somewhere during the night upon waking.  An individual might remember what was said in a dream or at least remember that someone was speaking in what seemed to be a foreign language. 

The second step to remembering dreams is applying knowledge when attempting to interpret dreams.   This can be a little more difficult than it seems.  Dream books or websites can help the dreamer in some cases, but the majority of the representations in dreams can only be deciphered by the one having them.  In other words, an individual has to apply what they already know about him or herself to get the most out of the dream representations.  For example, I recently had a dream about moving to the countryside with a friend.  This friend then got angry because I went to a video game store.  For whatever reason, my brother and father were at the store as well.  I picked up Mortal Kombat Trilogy on the original PlayStation.  The game was in one of those double CD cases.  The front of the case had a deep crack in it, but the spine was still intact.  I also picked up some collection that contained Resident Evil 4, 5, and 6 on it.  I realize that I forgot my money, so I asked my father to pay for everything.  The interpretation of the dream is mirroring what is happening in my waking life.  I am trying to move out of a house that I have been living in for thirty one years.  I am also trying to look for opportunities beyond the call center job that I had for three years.  Old memories and thought patterns still pop in my head from time to time.  I used to play video games a lot when I was younger.  I was known as the expert at Mortal Kombat in my circle of friends.  The games that I purchased represent old memories or baggage that I have been hanging onto for a while.  The games on the shelves represent different thoughts and memories.  The double CD case could represent a stronger memory from my past than the Resident Evil collection.  The deep crack in the case probably indicates the age of the memory.  The Mortal Kombat franchise has always resonated with me since I was eight years old.  I also was not financially independent at a younger age.  My father paid for everything.  The themes of this dream as a whole are new opportunities and old beliefs.  I am trying to rid myself of the old in order to make room for the new.

Dream interpretation in a nutshell is repetition combined with applied knowledge.  One needs to keep writing out his or her dreams in order to become a good interpreter.  The dreamer needs to understand him or herself beyond a surface level in order to potentially understand the representations within dreams.  Once one has put forth a good amount of effort in following the steps to interpreting dreams, then his or her life will most likely get better as a result.  The dreamer will be able to find out things about him or herself that he or she never considered previously.  This change in one’s perception will eventually put the individual on the correct life path.        

Becoming a Victim to your own Emotions

Emotions can sometimes make people do crazy things.  This is especially true when one is a seemingly bad situation.  I became a victim to my negative emotions this passed Friday, and the results were not good at all. 

I have been trying to find a new place to live for about nine months.  The property I live in now is up for short sale and could face foreclosure at the end of April of this year.  I have a condition known as Cerebral Palsy, so it is hard for me to find a place that is in a fair price range and will suit my needs.  I cannot do steps that well, and this would make doing a simple task such as washing clothes almost impossible without a washer and dryer close by. 

I finally found a place in the same town where I live currently.  The apartment was all on one level and included a washer and dryer all for the price of $1169.  That amount would have been difficult for me to afford, but it was the only game in town.  I knew I had to be out my current place as soon as possible.  I decided to go up to the complex and see if there were any addition details regarding the apartment. 

I tried calling for an Uber, and the first person that was supposed to pick me up cancelled the ride.  I should have taken this as a sign that none of what I was about to do would lead to a good ending, but I was too “determined” to listen to the signs that surrounded me.  I called another Uber driver and went down to the apartment complex.  When I arrived, I walked up and down the parking lot trying to find a ramp to get up on the sidewalk.  This was the second sign that the apartment was not the right place for me.  ”Coincidentally,” someone from the leasing office came out of the building and helped me up the sidewalk as well as the steps to the front door. The personnel inside ran the necessary processes to get me approved for the apartment.  They wanted my social security card due to an issue that was present in their system.  One of the ladies at the office offered to drive me home so that I would save on the cost of calling for an Uber ride.  I gave her my social security card, and she told me that she would back in just a little while after everything had been completed.  I should not have loaned my card to someone I barely knew, but there were not a whole lot of options available, so I decided to take a risk.  I knew I had to get out of my old place before the bank forces me to leave.  I got a call an hour later from the complex asking if I had any other identification outside of my state ID.  I told the person who called that I changed my name almost two years ago.  She wanted me to bring up my name change papers.  I waited two more hours for the woman that drove me home to bring back my card.  She never did come back to my place to explain what was happening.  I decided to cancel everything out then and there.  I called the leasing office back to tell them not to give me the place due to all the issues it was having with my info.  There was obviously something wrong somewhere along the line.  The person I spoke to on the phone said that the office put my social security card in the mail.  I got mad because no one called me to explain the change in plan. 

I took another Uber ride up to the apartment complex.  The Uber driver ended up heading down the wrong road, and I spent more money for that particular ride.  I went up to the office before the mail was taken out.  I got my card back and called for another Uber ride.  The rate for this ride was 1.2 times the normal rate due to a shortage of drivers during hectic business hours.  I was only going down the street to my favorite restaurant.  It was only about a mile down the street, and I ended up paying $7.20 for that ride.  I had to get out of the complex parking lot because the rental office was closing in an hour.  I did not have a choice in the matter.  I did not have the opportunity to wait for until the regular rate was available again.    

If I would have just sat home that day, then all of the issues I faced could have been avoided.  I would not have learned about the red flag on my name, so I guess I learned something from the experience after all.  I wasted a lot time, energy and money when everything would have remained fine if I would have paid attention to the first two signs that told me to avoid the complex altogether. 

I went out to the diner again last night, and I saw a sign for a disability expo regarding independent living in an area that is close to me.  The sign was posted at the end of the road just before going on entrance ramp to the highway.  I then saw a commercial for the expo on Youtube before watching a video later on that night.  This could be a sign that I might find what I am looking for at this expo. 

I learned a valuable lesson this passed Friday.  I cannot let my feelings about a current situation control the actions that I take.  If something is not right, then it is not right regardless of what other external circumstances are happening around me.  I tried my best, and that is what counts.  If the worst ends up happening, then I will just have to deal with it when the time comes.  I tried my best to do things in a practical manner, and I failed.  I can only take things one day at a time.  I need to let situations come to end naturally instead of using force.  There is obviously something bigger taking place outside of this whole ordeal with housing.  All I can do is make better choices in the future.

Living by Your own Rules

There seems to be a lot of confusion around the meaning of spirituality in recent times.  When most people hear the word spirituality, they automatically assume that it has something to do with organized religion or a creed of some sort.  Spirituality does not have to be associated with rules of any kind whatsoever.  Spirituality is the essence that causes the physical body to take action.  The only reason anyone takes action with his or her body is due to ideas or thoughts that are expressed within the mind.  If spirituality had to be tied down to something specific, then it most likely would be synonymous with thought forms. 

When an individual engages in a soul centered existence, all this means is that he or she living according to his or her own thoughts while avoiding the directives that society tries to impose on him or her.  When one functions in this way, he or she tends to worry a lot less about absolutely everything.  The individual begins to enjoy life a lot more than a person who succumbs to the pressure of the expectations set forth by those who want to uphold the status quo.  When one focuses on what he or she loves to do, life becomes a lot simpler and less stressful.  Negative emotions will only lead to a person making a decision using clouded judgment.  The consequence for this judgment call will attract more negativity towards the individual.  Positive emotions lead to clearer judgment calls that will attract more positivity in the future. 

As long as an individual follows his or her own path in life, then he or she cannot lose.  No one needs a list of rules in order to guide him or her to the right decision because all of the major negative actions can be felt using intuition.  When an individual is about to kill someone else, he or she will surely waver back and forth about performing the act.  His or her stomach will start hurting and possibly tense up.  When one is spiritual, he or she begins to listen to his or her intuition about what actions need to be taken in order to be happy.  There is no rulebook regarding spirituality.  As long as one lives authentically then he or she is living a spiritual life.    

Dealing with big Changes in Life

A spiritual awakening can be a rather difficult process to go through for many people.  Big changes in one’s life seem like they come out of nowhere.  The individual does not know where to turn because he or she was never aware that a process such as this actually existed.  Here are a few things to consider during one’s awakening. 

Everyone’s first instinct is to fight the changes that are occurring so that he or she can keep the status quo.  The problem with this is that sometimes the life that one is living is not that great to begin with.  I was working at call center that only allowed me to use the bathroom twice a day.  I worked several hours of mandatory over time, and I never saw a penny of that money due to being single.  The Internal Revenue Service saw the majority of that money.  I got sick left and right for five months straight.  I eventually stopped eating because I was too drained from my job to even bother to make food for myself.  This kind of lifestyle is not good for anyone whatsoever.  My father’s health was quite poor.  He pretty much became a bump on a log at the beginning of last year.  Leaving my job due to my father being in the hospital was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  It taught me how to take action in regards to my life.  I was never a flaky individual to begin with, but I always felt that I was doing the right thing by letting people have things their way.  I later learned that this was not a wise decision. 

One might feel the desire to get into some esoteric topics when an awakening begins.  I started getting into the field of astrology in February of last year after the huge snow storm that hit the central part of Maryland.  I do not know where I got the idea to study astrology.  It probably came as a result of my dissatisfaction with the material world after my employer discriminated against me during storm duty.  I am very grateful that I took the time to learn more about astrology.  I found out that there is a lot of truth in this subject matter.  I eventually found out that astrology was based around another body of knowledge known as numerology.  I began to experience synchronicities shortly after I discovered field of study. 

One might notice that he or she does not fit his or her old life any longer.  I stopped associated with friends at work and others online who focused on negative things.  I decided to seek people and groups that concentrated on bringing positive experiences to the world.  This is when I began to find out about things such as the law of attraction as well as the law of abundance.  Things that are similar to one another will attract each other.  As long as an individual lives a life based around authenticity, then he or she will most likely do well in life.  Positive thoughts attract positive events.  Negative thoughts attract negative events.  The only trick to these two laws is that one does not want to repress negative emotions by trying to focus on the positive all the time.  In other words, a person should not put up a positive front when he or she is feeling terrible inside.  The negative emotions should be dealt with in a healthy way so the individual can then feel positive in an authentic matter.  This is why the universe has a buffer zone in between thinking about what one wants and actually receiving it.  The universe wants to make sure that a person is sure about what he or she desires before this thought manifests in a tangible form.   

These are the three major changes that an individual might experience when he or she goes through a spiritual awakening.  Many people will go through this shift.  Awakenings seem scary at first, but, there is a comfort in knowing that one does not have to worry about things anywhere near as much as he or she used to once all of the old is washed away. 

Developing Intuition

Intuition can be a rather difficult subject to approach.  The word means different things depending upon the context in which the word is used.  During the Modern period, the philosopher Kant used the word to mean perception of the physical world.  During the present time, intuition means how natural something feels.  If the control layout in a particular video game is not similar to all the other titles in a given genre, then people complain that the controls are not intuitive.  Intuition can also indicate that person picks up on subtleties in his or her environment.  The word is sometimes used when the topic of mysticism is brought up.  Someone can have a knowing that goes beyond the physical senses.  Based on a recent experience I have come to the conclusion that Intuition can also include blind knowledge that an individual has no clue about whatsoever.   

I went to a local pizza place called J and P Pizza.  I sat down at a booth across from where I normally sit.  There was a group of about seven people or so.  After consuming my usual order of one medium cheese pizza and a cherry coke, I accidentally hit the alarm button on my phone.  This option gave me the time of a few different countries.  I decided it would be fun to find the time difference between the United States and Australia.  There was a fifteen and a half hour time difference between the two places.  Thirty seconds after I found the time difference, I hear one of the men in the group say something about Australia.  I am not sure what the details were, but that seemed rather odd.  My thoughts then drifted to what I needed to get done before the day was over.  I also thought about why I seemed to know the time even without looking at a clock too often.  A minute after I began thinking about these ideas, I hear one of the women in the group talk about her daily morning and evening routines. 

About ten minutes later, a couple sits down in a booth that is close to mine.  My mind starts to drift to the financial situation that is happening in my life at the present moment.  The couple then starts talking about betting money on football teams.  Thoughts about health insurance pop into my head.  I was wondering if changing carriers would be an option so early in the year.  The couple in the booth then starts talking about doctor appointments and coughing quite a lot.  The woman also spoke about going to a funeral recently.  These people kept going on and on about sickness.  I began to feel depressed about my life.  I do not why my thoughts turned negative.  I can only assume that I picked up some of the negative energy from the couple in the booth.

One might argue that all of these events are just my subconscious honing in on things that are of value to me.  This is not the case at all.  Australia has no meaning in my life at all.  I am sure that it is a fine continent, but I do not have any relationship with it.  I do not worry about doctor appointments or getting sick too often.  I do not worry about financial matters every day of my life.  There would be no reason for my subconscious to pick any of these things out through the conversations of other people. 

The only other explanation is that I have an underdeveloped sixth sense.  Everyone has the capability of enhancing themselves in this manner.  What form the sixth sense takes all depends on what the individual values the most.  The mind is most valuable thing that I have.  Since I hold this belief, it is no wonder that my sixth sense came out as mental energy.  If I could figure out a way to develop my sixth sense further, maybe I could this ability to help others.  I do not know the exact form my sixth sense would take. 

One thing that I can state for certain is that I have never experienced anything like this before in all of my life.  I know myself pretty well. I have never been one to stretch the truth by any means.  I was never a person with a heavy interest in the occult until about ten months ago.  I would know whether or not my experiences were just a product of my imagination.  My intuition is real, and I will learn to trust what it tells me one day.  Once I am able to master this skill, then I will able to assist others that have fallen on hard times.           

Old Relationships Die Hard

Difficult times after a spiritual awakening will test one’s relationship with other people.  It will definitely make you rethink the people that you spend time with.  These people are not necessarily bad as a whole; they just have an indirect negative influence on an individual’s life.

A person such as this exists in my life in the form of a mother in law.  I am speaking of mother in law in the extended sense of the word.  She has been helping me find housing and inviting me to holiday gatherings after my father passed away.  It is great that my mother in law is trying to help me out during this trying time in my life, but her practicality is based around the life that I had before the spiritual awakening occurred.  A person cannot really explain a spiritual awakening to anther that has not gone through one him or herself.  Since there is nothing physically different with person that experienced this type of rebirth, it would be rather pointless trying to show another what changes have taken place. 

My mother in law tends to bring up my old job a lot of the time and always asks me when I am going to return to work.  I then have to put on an act and think of something on the spot about what troubles I am dealing with and when I could possibly go back.  Everyone needs to pay bills regardless of who they are.  I need some stable income right now to prove to renters that I can pay them for providing shelter.  The only catch is that if I get rattled over just spending a few hours with someone trying to back pedal to my old life, what is working my old job twelve hours a day going to feel like?  I feel like I have to choose which way I am going to be practical.  I can either value financial gain over the needs of my soul, or I can nourish my soul while ignoring the needs of my body.  The dilemma is difficult because no one else but me understands it.

When I got home from visiting my mother in law after Thanksgiving, I felt a lot anxiety after the event was over.  I felt the same anxiety after seeing a room for rent last night.  One could say that I need to face reality, but that would not be accurate.  The reality of this whole situation is that I am vastly different than I was before the spiritual awakening happened.  Since no one else understands what this means for me, then those who try to help out will gather resources that spring me back into my old life.  The room I saw last night was very similar to the home I am in now except the steps leading to the second floor.  This is also the problem.  If I choose to live in a place similar to what I already have, then I will just attract the same things from my pre-awakened life.  This time period should be about breaking my old ways and allowing room for something new come forward. 

When my issues are broken down to their smallest components, is it easy to see why I am having a hard time.  I do not have any relationships that are functioning on the post-awakened level.  All of my relationships still operate on a lower octave.  Once I start to form relationships with new people and attract new things into my life, then I will feel a lot better.  The episodes of anxiety that I am facing will no longer exist.                

Developing Faith in the Universe

Having faith that everything will work out in life is a very difficult thing to accomplish.  No one can ever tell what is going to happen one hundred percent of the time.  All anyone can do is use his or her best judgment regarding each situation and hope everything falls into place.  The universe helps people obtain what they truly desire even if they cannot see it quite yet. 

Earlier this year, I was under a lot of pressure from my job and my father.  I worked about forty eight to fifty five hours a week doing call center work.  My father’s health had been declining rapidly since the end of last year.  He always wanted me to take care of him in some way shape or form.  The only problem with my father is that he gave up on himself and would not try to improve his health one bit.  I became so overwhelmed that a few teeth were pulled out of my mouth because they were rotten.  I stopped eating healthy during the month of June because I was too tired to make myself something to eat after I got home from work every day.  Both of my stress inducers stopped being an issue once my father went to the hospital and eventually passed away. 

My world changed the instant my father’s death occurred.  I was completely independent.  I no longer had anyone telling what I should be doing or how it should be done.  I no longer had to meet any type of quota regarding arbitrary numbers that fluctuate day in and day out.  I felt what it was like to be truly free for the first time in my life. 

Now I am facing housing and monetary difficulties.  I tend to worry more than I should about the whole ordeal, but I am learning to have faith that everything will work out at the proper time.  I am taking the steps necessary to keep my mind in the present moment while only planning a few days in advance.  This helps ensure that I do not entertain negative thoughts about a future that probably will not come to fruition. 

I have learned to pay attention to the minor events taking place on a daily basis.  I had an appointment to see an apartment a week ago.  When I got out a car, I saw that the handicap ramped was blocked.  I had to walk about fifteen feet at the other end of the sidewalk to find another ramp.  I went up to the entrance of the leasing office and saw that it did not have a railing by the steps.  I tried entering the building through the maintenance department, but the office was closed.  Some other person pulled up to the side of the curb and starting yelling to someone else inside of the leasing office.  With all of these minor events taking place, I figured that this particular apartment complex would not suit my needs.  I called an Uber driver and left the premises. 

The death of my father as well as my trip to the apartment complex helped me develop faith in the universe.  I have to believe that everything will work out for the best even if I cannot see what the final outcome will be.  I have to give myself credit for creating the reality that I want to experience.  As long as I keep living authentically, then I can have faith that things will work out in my favor.