Learning how to show Compassion

The world can sometimes be a very scary place to be.  A good part of the population is still stuck in survival mode, and this can lead to circumstances that would be very unpleasant to deal with.  On the other side of the coin, compassion is something that a lot of people seem to have forgotten about.  I also forgot about compassion as well during last night’s conference regarding getting a name or gender marker altered. 

The conference started inside a small room within the Chase Brexton healthcare facility in Baltimore City.  A person by the name of Monica stated that she does not trust any medical institution.  She thought that the medical was talking about her when she was unconscious from anesthesia.  Another individual who identified as a trans man told his story about working a job in the medical field.  He made sure that the doctors gendered people correctly.  A non-trans female lawyer also explained that she was at the conference in order to obtain information to serve her clients more efficiently.  Monica decided to start arguments with both lawyer, and the trans man.  She asked them both what they are doing here.  The lawyer explained once more that she was there to gather information to help her clients.  Monica did not like this answer.  She felt as though she was being observed and did not feel that was equal to the lawyer.  Monica also had an issue with the story the trans man gave regarding his experience in the working world.  In other words, the only thing Monica would have accepted for a legitimate answer would have been someone saying that he or she was at the conference to help takes steps to get his or her name or gender changed.  Back stories did not matter to this woman. 

I began to lose my cool on the inside as Monica berated these two individuals over and over about why there were at the conference in the first place.  I wished the host of the conference would have stood up and told Monica to stop, but she just sat there instead.  I could have voiced my opinion, but I did not want to add insult to injury.   The host probably thought the same thing. 

After the arguments were over, the conversation then turned to gender identification on medical forms that one receives in the waiting room of an office.  People were complaining about forms stating “female” and “trans female” instead of “cis female” and “trans female.  Certain people felt that this was an injustice to the transgender population.  One person thought that the different boxes on the forms forced people to indicate how they perceive their bodies.  It just amazed me that no one brought up the fact that transition is more of an internal movement than an external one.  No one talked about what they learned from transition so far.  It was always about others people’s perception of who they were.  Transition is about the journey to express one’s inner nature.  I felt like I did not belong at this conference.

After the conference was over, I went to the diner in my neighborhood to try to raise my spirit.  This helped a little bit, but it took about five more hours before I was able to get the whole incident out of my head.  I did not sleep at all during the night.

 

I thought the whole conference was about helping others with changing one’s name or gender marker.  I came to the meeting to tell my story about changing both of these things.  I hoped to inspire others with my words, but this did not happen.  I was the one who was taught something in the end.  I did not see the conference this way immediately after it was over.  The universe was teaching me how to have compassion for others who were less fortunate than I was.  If someone told me three years ago that transition was a journey from the inside out, I probably would not have paid attention to a word that this person was saying.  I too was stuck on physical and vocal changes for a long time, and I would not have been able to see the bigger picture.  I have to remember that I was once where some the people at the conference are now.  I wish I would have had this in mind before I went to the conference. 

The reason that I had no knowledge of being taught a lesson was because I absorbed the negative energy that Monica was sending out.  I let her rampage on two other people affect my mood.  This in turn lowered my vibration.  I began to think solely of my needs just as she was doing.  This is why I was not able to see what was really going on in the conference.  Monica controlled everything, and no one did anything to stop it.  This includes me as well.  If I would have stood up to her and changed the topic, then I might have been able to raise the vibration of the rest of the room.  I was somewhat of being physically assaulted, so I did not say anything.  I had an opportunity to change things for the better, but I decided to give into fear instead. 

Now that I realize that I actually do absorb the energy of others, I can then take more constructive measures to protect myself in the future.  I now know how to handle myself in an environment where low vibrations are dominant.  I also understand that I need to show more compassion to those who cannot see the good in the world.  I need to remember that I was not always as optimistic about my life when I was younger.  I was able to pick up on Monica’s vibration right after she opened her mouth.  I should have showed compassion towards her from the start.  I guess the night was not a complete waste.  I might have failed to inspire others, but I learned something about myself in the process.  

Becoming a Victim to your own Emotions

Emotions can sometimes make people do crazy things.  This is especially true when one is a seemingly bad situation.  I became a victim to my negative emotions this passed Friday, and the results were not good at all. 

I have been trying to find a new place to live for about nine months.  The property I live in now is up for short sale and could face foreclosure at the end of April of this year.  I have a condition known as Cerebral Palsy, so it is hard for me to find a place that is in a fair price range and will suit my needs.  I cannot do steps that well, and this would make doing a simple task such as washing clothes almost impossible without a washer and dryer close by. 

I finally found a place in the same town where I live currently.  The apartment was all on one level and included a washer and dryer all for the price of $1169.  That amount would have been difficult for me to afford, but it was the only game in town.  I knew I had to be out my current place as soon as possible.  I decided to go up to the complex and see if there were any addition details regarding the apartment. 

I tried calling for an Uber, and the first person that was supposed to pick me up cancelled the ride.  I should have taken this as a sign that none of what I was about to do would lead to a good ending, but I was too “determined” to listen to the signs that surrounded me.  I called another Uber driver and went down to the apartment complex.  When I arrived, I walked up and down the parking lot trying to find a ramp to get up on the sidewalk.  This was the second sign that the apartment was not the right place for me.  ”Coincidentally,” someone from the leasing office came out of the building and helped me up the sidewalk as well as the steps to the front door. The personnel inside ran the necessary processes to get me approved for the apartment.  They wanted my social security card due to an issue that was present in their system.  One of the ladies at the office offered to drive me home so that I would save on the cost of calling for an Uber ride.  I gave her my social security card, and she told me that she would back in just a little while after everything had been completed.  I should not have loaned my card to someone I barely knew, but there were not a whole lot of options available, so I decided to take a risk.  I knew I had to get out of my old place before the bank forces me to leave.  I got a call an hour later from the complex asking if I had any other identification outside of my state ID.  I told the person who called that I changed my name almost two years ago.  She wanted me to bring up my name change papers.  I waited two more hours for the woman that drove me home to bring back my card.  She never did come back to my place to explain what was happening.  I decided to cancel everything out then and there.  I called the leasing office back to tell them not to give me the place due to all the issues it was having with my info.  There was obviously something wrong somewhere along the line.  The person I spoke to on the phone said that the office put my social security card in the mail.  I got mad because no one called me to explain the change in plan. 

I took another Uber ride up to the apartment complex.  The Uber driver ended up heading down the wrong road, and I spent more money for that particular ride.  I went up to the office before the mail was taken out.  I got my card back and called for another Uber ride.  The rate for this ride was 1.2 times the normal rate due to a shortage of drivers during hectic business hours.  I was only going down the street to my favorite restaurant.  It was only about a mile down the street, and I ended up paying $7.20 for that ride.  I had to get out of the complex parking lot because the rental office was closing in an hour.  I did not have a choice in the matter.  I did not have the opportunity to wait for until the regular rate was available again.    

If I would have just sat home that day, then all of the issues I faced could have been avoided.  I would not have learned about the red flag on my name, so I guess I learned something from the experience after all.  I wasted a lot time, energy and money when everything would have remained fine if I would have paid attention to the first two signs that told me to avoid the complex altogether. 

I went out to the diner again last night, and I saw a sign for a disability expo regarding independent living in an area that is close to me.  The sign was posted at the end of the road just before going on entrance ramp to the highway.  I then saw a commercial for the expo on Youtube before watching a video later on that night.  This could be a sign that I might find what I am looking for at this expo. 

I learned a valuable lesson this passed Friday.  I cannot let my feelings about a current situation control the actions that I take.  If something is not right, then it is not right regardless of what other external circumstances are happening around me.  I tried my best, and that is what counts.  If the worst ends up happening, then I will just have to deal with it when the time comes.  I tried my best to do things in a practical manner, and I failed.  I can only take things one day at a time.  I need to let situations come to end naturally instead of using force.  There is obviously something bigger taking place outside of this whole ordeal with housing.  All I can do is make better choices in the future.

Eating Healthier from the Inside Out

Eating healthy can be a challenge for many people.  A lot of people have lost touch with their bodies due to the fast paced nature of our environment in the twenty first century.  People are always in a rush to cram as many activities as they can in one day.  Most individuals do not take time to slow down to listen to what their body is telling them.  I ate what I wanted all the time without caring what I did to my body.  Once I started feeling sick on regular basis is when I finally started listening to my body a lot more. 

The first thing I stopped eating when moving forward with my diet change is pepperoni.  I noticed that I would cough up a huge amount of phlegm every time I would eat pizza. I then decided to try cutting out pepperoni to see what would happen.  The next time I went for a pizza, I ordered one with plain cheese.  After I finished eating, I noticed a huge contrast of how I felt this time around compared to all the other times I had pizza with pepperoni.  I no longer coughed up any phlegm.  The only thing I need to work on now is not eating pizza in large quantities. 

Beef was a food that I did not think was half bad the majority of the time.  I stopped eating beef around six months ago due to how heavy it made me feel.  Beef also irritated my stomach to a degree as well.  I thought at first that maybe it was just me, but this was not the case.  Every time I would eat beef, my stomach would end up feeling terrible later on in the day.  I had to give beef up because my body just could not take it anymore.  I came to realize that I did not miss the food itself all that much.  I guess that beef never really was a major part of my to begin with. 

The key to realizing which foods are good for one’s health, and which ones are not so great is by listening to the body in complete silence.  One will be able to hear his or her stomach trying to process the food that was eaten a few hours earlier.  If the individual hears the stomach making all kinds of noises, then this most likely means that the food eaten earlier is something that it does not like. 

Another thing a person can do to improve his or her diet is to avoid eating to the point where another bite cannot be taken.  When an individual feels “full,” then that is an indicator of being overstuffed.  People can eat without feeling full and still have obtained enough nourishment.  No one needs to stuff themselves to where they are forced to stop eating.  The stomach will thank the individual for eating less later on in the day. 

I am not trying to tell anyone what to eat.  I am just trying to give information about how to tell which foods are good for an individual based on his or her own body.  No one will know which food is right until the impact on the stomach is felt.           

The DMV Needs to be Updated

Getting one’s gender marker changed on his or her state ID can be a rather trying experience.  Altering documents does not seem like a big deal, but institution will make an individual jump through a lot of hoops just to get.  The Department of Motor Vehicles is the absolute worst when changing one’s gender marker. 

The DMV gave me an extremely tough time when I went to change my gender marker.  I live in the state of Maryland.  The DMV has not updated its policy on transgender individuals since the year 1999.  In order to get my gender marker changed on my state ID, three different letters had to be reviewed by the Medical Advisory Board.  I had to write my own letter requesting that my gender marker be changed.  The advisory board required that I have a letter from my gender therapist as well as doctor.  Getting the letters was not the hard part.  The biggest issue that I had with the DMV was that the advisory board took a month to review three letters that were only about three paragraphs each.  Every time I called the DMV back, the representative that I spoke to could not find any notes in the system regarding my case.  I stopped calling the DMV after two weeks.  I eventually received a letter in the mail form the advisory board saying that it had granted my desire to change my gender marker on my ID, 

The DMV needs to update their standards regarding the transgender population.  I had my birth certificate with me when I got a new ID with the corrected name on it.  The DMV should have changed everything then.  There should be no problem regarding the gender marker when other legal documents are presented to back up the claim.  There was no reason for me to have three letters just to change one part of a state ID.  Why did it take one month for the advisory board to come to a decision about my gender marker?  I do not know what is so confusing about someone wanting to change his or her legal identification information.  The procedure for changing any kind of document should go smoothly in this day and age.  People change everything about themselves.  Altering a gender marker is no longer something that is considered “strange” by most people. 

Hopefully the Department of Motor Vehicles changes its policy regarding transgender individuals in the future.  It will probably be a long wait before this day finally arrives.  It is sad that a major institution is stuck twenty years or more in the past.  The DMV needs to be put on a crash course in order to catch up with the times.  

A Positive Approach to Fighting for Transgender Rights

The dust has settled in regards to Donald Trump’s ruling on the rights of transgender individuals.  I already spoke about how this outcome could potentially affect business owners as well as everyone else.  Now I want to speak about the steps transgender individuals can take in order fight back against an unjust president. 

The first step that should be undertaken is to get all of one’s legal matters straightened out as soon as possible.  It is understandable that some states still make it difficult for those who wish to change their names and gender markers on documents that show identification.  An individual should do what he or she can to get everything changed before the laws get any worse.  Pressure can be good thing sometimes because it forces people to be vigilant about what they truly care about.  My job is what prompted me to legalize the changes that I was making.  If the pressure from my employer had not pushed me to live more authentically, then I might have still been too afraid to have done anything at all. 

The next step that one can take that one can take to combat Trump’s reversal of rights is to join groups in different fields of knowledge.  Marches are not going to do too much except express outrage and anger.  Joining groups in the legal, medical, and technological fields would be a better use of people’s time and resources.  Getting everyone’s stories out there in order to educate other will be a more tactful way that the transgender population can get all of their rights returned to them. 

The most crucial step that needs to be taken to ensure that laws regarding rights will include everyone is to stop fighting one another.   Some transgender people within the community like to police others on how to transition in the “proper” fashion.  No one needs to be fighting one another about who is truly transgender.  Everyone is in this together.  Transgender is an umbrella term.  This term includes crossdressers, drag queens, genderqueer, agender, bigender, transsexuals, and androgynous people.  One size does not fit all in the case of transgenderism.  There is no such thing as being “truly trans.”  People are either transgender, or they are not.  It is as simple as that.  The degree might vary from one person to another, but there is no such thing as being a fake transgender individual. 

If the entire country can begin to follow these three steps, then there will be no foothold for Trump’s ruling to take root.  The ruling will only have power if we remain divided as a nation.  If everyone comes together, then nothing negative will be able to have an impact on anyone.  Every person can choose what his or her destiny will be.  The hard part is having enough courage to stand by one’s convictions.    

Trump's Reversal of Transgender Rights Affects Everyone

Donald Trump has been President for a little over a month, and he caused quite a stir with the transgender community.  Trump rolled back the rights protecting transgender people from being discriminated against in public.  This means that any establishment can refuse to serve someone just because he or she decided to take steps in order to feel more comfortable in his or her skin.  The real question is going to be whether or not a lot of public places actually adhere to Trumps ruling. 

Owners of businesses now have the right to kick out any transgender person that he or she wants to without any consequences whatsoever.  Businesses operate off of income that they receive from the many different customers who pay good money in order to be serviced in some way.  If owners start to target a particular demographic of people that frequents their businesses, then this decision is going to play a role in how much money is made throughout the year.  Transgender people still use money as a way to get things that they desire.  If an owner of an establishment has a high percentage of customers who are transgender, then he or she might want to think twice before acting upon Trump's ruling.  Businesses will also lose the profit that will come from allies of transgender individuals as well.  The financial losses any business incurs will be a defining factor in whether or not it will stay afloat.   

Another question that is raised due to the legal change that has taken place is how does an individual tell who is transgender and who is not.  What does transgender even look like?  People look like people.  Gender congruent individuals can be mistaken for the opposite sex as well, so one cannot judge another person off of his or her looks alone.  In other words, there is no way possible to tell who identifies as transgender without knowing an individual’s personal background, so any business that tries to discriminate against anyone is definitely going to get hurt later down the road when its profits take a dive. 

Only time will tell what will happen regarding Donald Trump’s new ruling.  I highly doubt that most places will even consider discriminating against anybody due to the reasons state above.  No one knows for certain how everything is going to turn out, but the transgender community is not going to go down without a fight.