Difficult times after a spiritual awakening will test one’s
relationship with other people. It will definitely
make you rethink the people that you spend time with. These people are not necessarily bad as a whole;
they just have an indirect negative influence on an individual’s life.
A person such as this exists in my life in the form of a
mother in law. I am speaking of mother
in law in the extended sense of the word.
She has been helping me find housing and inviting me to holiday
gatherings after my father passed away. It
is great that my mother in law is trying to help me out during this trying time
in my life, but her practicality is based around the life that I had before the
spiritual awakening occurred. A person
cannot really explain a spiritual awakening to anther that has not gone through
one him or herself. Since there is
nothing physically different with person that experienced this type of rebirth,
it would be rather pointless trying to show another what changes have taken
place.
My mother in law tends to bring up my old job a lot of the
time and always asks me when I am going to return to work. I then have to put on an act and think of
something on the spot about what troubles I am dealing with and when I could
possibly go back. Everyone needs to pay
bills regardless of who they are. I need
some stable income right now to prove to renters that I can pay them for
providing shelter. The only catch is
that if I get rattled over just spending a few hours with someone trying to
back pedal to my old life, what is working my old job twelve hours a day going
to feel like? I feel like I have to
choose which way I am going to be practical.
I can either value financial gain over the needs of my soul, or I can
nourish my soul while ignoring the needs of my body. The dilemma is difficult because no one else but
me understands it.
When I got home from visiting my mother in law after
Thanksgiving, I felt a lot anxiety after the event was over. I felt the same anxiety after seeing a room
for rent last night. One could say that
I need to face reality, but that would not be accurate. The reality of this whole situation is that I
am vastly different than I was before the spiritual awakening happened. Since no one else understands what this means
for me, then those who try to help out will gather resources that spring me
back into my old life. The room I saw
last night was very similar to the home I am in now except the steps leading to
the second floor. This is also the
problem. If I choose to live in a place
similar to what I already have, then I will just attract the same things from
my pre-awakened life. This time period
should be about breaking my old ways and allowing room for something new come
forward.
When my issues are broken down to their smallest components,
is it easy to see why I am having a hard time.
I do not have any relationships that are functioning on the
post-awakened level. All of my
relationships still operate on a lower octave.
Once I start to form relationships with new people and attract new
things into my life, then I will feel a lot better. The episodes of anxiety that I am facing will
no longer exist.
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