Molehills to Mountains

Minor pet peeves can get bigger if an individual does not honor his or her emotions.  If one does not create a boundary for him herself, then things can go south pretty fast.  It is always that one person who disrespects another individual in small ways that add up over time.  This person in my life is my roommate.

The relationship as a whole is not too terrible.  I found it rather annoying that she laughed at me when I said that I wanted a new dresser for Christmas this past year.  Both she and I were not doing that well financially last year.  Even with this fact, I did not appreciate the laughter.  I should have said something in the car when this competition conversation transpired, but I did not want to start an argument over it.  Being positive can be difficult sometimes due to my roommates negativity.  Sometimes I absorb her negative thinking and believe that it is my own.   I was worried about doing my taxes while living under the table in a different place than what is on my legal documents.  The thing that I did not realize at the time is that my roommate prefers the apartment to look as if no one else lives there but her and so that line of thinking entered my head while trying to get my taxes done for the current year.  I still have ways to go in deflecting the negativity of others.

My roommate is always in a rush to get somewhere.  I question where she is trying to get half the time because I do not understand the reaeon behind it.  She would drive me somewhere, and then rush me to get out of the car.  It is only a few minutes more, so I don't understand what the big deal is really about.   You always have more time. Time does not go anywhere   My roommate seems like she has a split personality.  She can be so gentle at times, and then gets caught up in anger.  It is rather weird.

Maybe I try too hard to look past an individual's fault in order to see his or her more positive traits.  I should call her out on things when they happen and stick up for myself more often instead of letting things slide.  The truth of the matter is that the relationship does not work.  it never has.  My roommate let me stay at her place due to a foreclosure on my father's house.   It is time for me to move on and say goodbye.  There's no point in trying to prolong my stay.  We are in two different worlds trying to occupy the same space, but it is not working any longer.  Letting go can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil when it comes to moving forward in one's life.  I accept that this aspect no longer works, and I want to embrace the new coming into my life.

Detransition: The Little Black Sheep

Detransition is seen as taboo within the transgender community.  A lot of people fear discussing it because they do not want to admit that it could be them one day.  Those that oppose the transgender community use detransition as a reason why transgenderism is disorder of some kind and not an actual identity.  Most just tend to avoid the topic altogether. 

There are a few things that I noticed when doing some minor research about the issue online. Detransiton seems to be a bit more common in the the female to male population and less so from those who transitioned from male to female. I looked up detransition on youtube a few times and most people who shared their stories were female to male. An article I read over the internet through a friend focused mostly on those that transitioned from female to male.  I cannot put my finger on why this is the case. My best guess is that the health risks associated with testosterone are lot more severe than the ones linked to taking estrogen. Maybe that is a bit of a stretch, but it is known that testosterone is a stronger hormone than estrogen.  It will not take as long for one to see the effects of the changes in his or her body as it would for someone transitioning from male to female.  Other than this small observation, it is still a mystery as to why detransition seems more common among the female to male population.

Some people have reported going through another serious issue in their lives at the time they decided to transition.  A person's life is not going to magically change just because he or she transitioned. One has to transition for him or herself. An individual is still going to have the same interests and emotions as before the transition took place. A person will have the same traits as he or she did before his or transition took place. An individual might be happier after transition, but the other aspects of him or her probably will not change that much.

There has been a lot of talk regarding how easy going doctors are these days to prescribe hormones.  Some argue that medical professionals should probe individuals about why they want to start hormones to make sure they are doing it for a good reason.  I do not think that care for transgender individuals needs to go back to the “gatekeeper” system, but I do think that a person should think about things long and hard before they do anything to his or her body. A person should be able to do what he or she wants with his or her body. I do believe that there should be guidance, but the decision is ultimately up to the individual. If the person regrets the decision later in life, then he or she will have to deal with those consequences.  This is why some people choose to live as the other gender for a while before they start hormones. No one says anything when people are of drinking age or smoke cigarettes, so why should hormones be any different?  I was told the risks of hormones before I took them. I had to sign a paper stating I understood that what I was going to do to do to my body was of my own free will.  Being “young and stupid” is not an excuse to institutionalize “gatekeeping.”  Any transgender person could decide to come off of hormones at any time.  They will still have to deal with the repercussions of what will happen to his or her body.     

The question regarding hormones being right for an individual is actually rather simple. Does one feel that in-congruent with his or her body enough to want to alter it almost permanently outside of other persisting issues?  Being transgender can be extremely confusing.  I was confused for ten years before I took any serious steps to do anything about my dysphoria.   Hormones are not a joke by any means. Even though, it takes a while to physically notice a difference in one's body, the changes start from the first dose that is taken.

 

The key to having a successful transition is to know what all the risks and challenges are before going forward.  There are always going to be things that come as a surprise when a person begins this process.  As long as one takes responsibility for the choice that he or she has made, then there will never be any regrets regardless of the outcome.  The most important part about the decision to transition is the power of choice.  The individual is living life his or her way.  Life itself is all about learning.  The journey is more important than the end result the majority of the time.  As long as one keeps pushing forward, he or she will always come out on top.      . 

Is a Disability Really an Obstacle?

Living with a disability or perceived negative trait is a very difficult thing to wrap one’s head around.  At first glance, it may seem like all a person does is overcome obstacles left and right.  This is especially true if the disability is of the physical type.  In actuality, a disability is a gift that can be used as a tool.

Seeing a disability or perceived negative trait as nothing but an obstacle is just an illusion the mind creates due to pressures put in place by society to conform to the “norm.”  Basic hygiene functions can be a challenge when an individual is younger, but the majority of the hassle comes from others who do not understand that those with disabilities or traits that seem less desirable need to do things their own way in order to make an impact on the world.  Once the gifted person understands that he or she can take control of his or her own life, then the disability or perceived negative trait is no longer a hindrance of any kind.  In other words, once a person with a disability understands his or her design, then the challenges associated with the gift are minimalized. 

Cerebral Palsy is my gift to the world.  I have a particular form of Cerebral known as Spastic Diplegia.  This condition affects my legs more severely than my upper limbs.  It is difficult to get around when it is cold outside due to my muscles becoming stiff.  I am also not able to drive due to coordination issues with using both hands simultaneously in opposing directions.

It would in the best interest of the individual with a disability or perceived negative trait to use the unique gifts that come with it to propel him or herself forward.  Instead of seeing a particular attribute as a blockade to achieving a goal the "tried and true" way, a person should find out how to use it to create opportunities for him or herself and other people.  Once an individual learns how to see a disability or perceived negative trait as a gift, then they will be able to obtain the things in life that they desire.   

I have a strong grasp on how to use technology to my advantage.  I might not be able to physically write that legible, but my thoughts are what give my words strength.  I am able to type on a computer, so I can still manage to let others know what I have to say.  If I could turn writing into a career, then I would not have to worry about transportation from one place to another on a daily basis.  I would not have to worry about being the fastest person in the physical sense.  My mind is my greatest asset.  My mind will be what attracts the resources for the type of life that I wish to live.  Being the fastest person from a physical standpoint is going against my design.  I was not designed to be a pack horse.  I was designed to inspire others with my words and positive energy.  There are plenty of others in the world that might be designed to be fast from a physical perspective.  I am not one of those individuals, and that is alright.

Everyone should be able to live their lives using their strengths.  I have firsthand knowledge of what it is like to be gifted with Cerebral Palsy, and so I should be helping others minimalize their challenges so that they can live brighter futures.  

Through writing about my experiences with Cerebral Palsy, I am using my gift as a tool rather than seeing it as an obstacle.  My disability has become less of a mountain once I started using it for a purpose.  The gift of Cerebral Palsy is to be used as a tool for teaching.  It is not supposed to be seen as a wall that needs traversing.  Only a fool would throw away such a treasure.