What Fear Really Means

When a person decides to engage in something, he or she usually does this based on how much fear is present within him or herself.  Everyone speaks of fear as if it is multifaceted in some way.  There is only one fear, but the human mind puts labels on what that one fear is for the individual.  No one is actually afraid of anything itself.  What people fear the most is the perceived lack of knowledge of how things will work out.

The human mind loves being guaranteed something.  The guarantee eases us into believing that we have knowledge of how a situation will work out.  No one actually fears lack of money, home, friends, or relationships.  What these fears are is actually just the feeling of not having the knowledge of how things will fall into place.  What actually leads to negative situation is when people try to control everything in their lives so that nothing bad happens.  The more that a person tries to make something happen a certain way, the harder it usually ends up being for him or her. 

I have been dealing with lack of knowledge issues myself in recent times.  My whole world changed completely in March of this year.  I got a new job working for Toyota Financial Services.  Three weeks after I landed this job, I scored a job interview in my desired city of Phoenix Arizona three weeks later.  I took my chances and flew out there for the interview.  I never had been to Phoenix before, but I have been doing a lot of research about the area because I plan to move there by the end of June.  Yes, I put my current job at risk in order to achieve something better.  It turns out that the job was not quite up to par with what I had been told over the phone.  I ended up not getting the job anyway.  I was not too crushed because deep inside I knew I was worth more.  Did fear pop up and make me wonder I was going to make my move happen since I did not have all the information?  Yes it did.  I will succumb to it from time to time.  All fear does is keep a person from moving forward.  The individual keeps beating to the same old drum, and he or she gets stuck in a loop.

I then had an opportunity to go to Maui for a mindset workshop.  Getting a plane ticket to Maui is not cheap on an income of $17 an hour, but I did it anyway.  The decision to take this trip was up in the air for a couple of days.  I wrestled with this decision for a lot of hours before deciding that I wanted to change my life once and for all.  I wavered back and forth on this decision because I feared the lack knowledge that of how things will turn out.  I still remain uncertain even now about how everything will be paid for as far the entire event is concerned, but all I can do is live an authentic life and have faith that something will pull through before everything takes place.  I invested all the resources I had into traveling and changing my life around for the better.  All I can really do at this point is let my investment work for me. 

Due to changing my priorities, I lost my position at Toyota Financial Services.  This made me doubt everything I invested in up into this point.  My mind went into a loop, and I thought all of my decisions were garbage.  In actuality, all that really happened is that a new road opened up for me.  In order to go down this new road, I had to put on my turn signal and get off the old road so that I could travel on the new one.  My bank account at a glance looks a lot smaller than it did a few weeks ago, but this is not the case.  I have not allowed the money I invested to finish working for me in order to bring a greater amount of return.  Most people would say that I do not have money right now, but that is because my money all tied up in investments.  Do I feel comfortable about this all the time?  The short answer is no.  Do I still fear the lack of knowledge regarding all of these investments?  The answer is yes.  The only thing is that I have to go through with it anyway because a better life awaits me on the other side of this perceived lack of knowledge. 

There is no trick to winning against the one and only fear.  The goal is not to make the fear less prevalent, but to make one’s desire to live their truth stronger than the lack of knowledge. Once a person’s desire to live his or her truth is big enough to make the lack of knowledge seem small, then he or she will see that fear is just an illusion that was created by the mind.     

Freedom is the Greatest tool that Everyone can use

(This is another letter that I wrote to my father)

Dear father,

It has come to my attention that you and I still have some old baggage that we need to square away.  I am not mad at you that much anymore about everything that happened between us before you died.  I know that you grew up in fifties and sixties when society was trying to force uniformity onto every individual and business that existed at the time.  I learned from an Italian substitute teacher back in high school that around this time frame, a person’s work was more important than his or her safety.  I am sure that this extended to self-expression as well.  Uniformity was valued over individualism.  I am aware that my existence threw all of the values that were enforced in your day out the window.  I was born with Cerebral Palsy, which made my body different than the “standard” individual.  I had difficulties in adjusting to how society worked. 

I am sure that my transgender nature also came as a big shock to you.  The type of transformation that I went through was unheard of in your day.  People definitely did not openly express themselves in this manner fifty years ago.  I know that you thought the best thing for me was to do things the traditional way.  Your negative actions towards my self-expression were just your way of trying to make sure that I did not get hurt.  You were scared that I would become an outcast in society and ruin my life forever.  You thought I was just trying to challenge the status quo because I could. 

The information that was missing all of these years was the fact that you never felt as if you could express yourself freely.  This is why you and I would argue about the heat in the winter time.  You would always say “no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house.”  The anger that you showed towards me was because you thought I was taking away your form of self-expression.  This is also the reason that you could never sell the house we lived in together.  The house was your sense of freedom.  You could make your own rules and do things your way.  You felt inhibited in every place outside the home.  Even though you and I argued a lot, we both were fighting for the exact same thing.  We both wanted freedom from our inner turmoil.  You wanted freedom from the constraints that society placed on you long ago, and I wanted the freedom to use my own power the way that I saw fit. 

The thing that we did not realize was that we could have obtained our freedom long ago.  We let the conditioning of society get to us, and that is why we felt like we lived in some type of cage for most of our lives.  You could have opened up a business that revolved around something that you actually cared about.  Maybe you would have felt like you had freedom outside the home.  If I would have stood up for myself earlier in life and actually learned that I could do more things for myself than I was led to believe, then maybe I would not have hated you so bad when you were alive.  I felt like I had no freedom because I always needed help from everyone else.  The thing I learned since your death is that I do not need much help at all.  I pay all the bills on time, and I found out about Uber and Lyft.  I could have talked to you about getting a data plan for the phones in order to download the apps for both services, but I never did that.  I never brought up or forced the issue, so I did not get anything out of it. 

The events we shared together are all in the past now.  I plan to move farther away from the Baltimore area and create the life I want for myself.  The bank owns the house now, so I have to get out of it in the near future.  I no longer hold any grudges against you.  Become a soul that shines brightly in the universe and use the knowledge that you gained in our interactions to help others living or dead.  You taught me how to take my own power back.  I cannot pinpoint what you have learned from me, but I hope you learned that all the different ways an individual can express him or herself is important.  Individuals make up society, so when each person lives authentically, society as a whole becomes a little bit better over time.  

Is Meditation Right for Everyone?

Meditation is a practice that a lot of people get into when their lives start going downhill.  One’s health could also take a turn for the worse as well.  Most use meditation in order to calm down from a stressful situation.  The only thing people do not realize is that the practice of meditation may end up changing the way they perceive the world.  Unintentional changes may occur if meditation is performed regularly over an extended period of time. 

When one meditates, he or she calls back to his her own energy as well as the energies of the universe as a whole.  The first thing an individual will most likely notice is that minor ailments will heal after about a week or two.  My arm was always sore from opening up the bathroom door at my job.  My arm healed up within a week after I started meditating regularly.  Falling asleep can occur to beginners even if one is not lying down.  An individual might experience a lucid dream when this transpires..

After meditating for about three months, an individual might be able to feel his or her own aura.  He or she might write it off as some body parts falling asleep, but this is not the case.  An individual will eventually learn that there is nothing wrong with him or her whatsoever.  What is actually happening is that the person’s awareness is growing.  The aura that is felt always existed, but it always went unnoticed by the individual.    

With all of these changes occurring, one’s beliefs about many things will also go through a metamorphosis.  I used to eat beef semi regularly before I started to meditate.  I stopped eating beef almost altogether five months after I started meditating.  The same most likely has happened to a lot of others. 

One will also start to notice synchronicites.  The individual will start learning that coincidences are nothing more than things with similar energy coming together.  When a person thinks or says a certain word to him or herself, he or she will notice that something else will resemble the same thought somewhere else in the room regardless if it is written form, from the TV or spoken from someone else in another seat.

If the career a person has is not doing him or her any good, then regular meditation will eventually lead the individual to rethink what he or she is doing in life.  This happened to me as well.  I was working in a call center trying to achieve arbitrary daily statistics because I thought that doing this would actually bring me success.  My job was the only thing that I cared about.  After I started meditating on a regular basis, I realized that I needed to start writing again.  I also came to the conclusion that I was a healer and needed to help other people take their power back. 

Meditation has many benefits, but it can also have quite a few drawbacks depending on the eye of the beholder.  If an individual likes his or diet, friends, job, residence, town, interests, and hobbies, then he or she might not want to meditate very often if at all.  If a person is happy with living in three dimensions and has no interest in learning what coexists along with it, then it is advised not to meditate.  If an individual likes his or her own opinions and does not want their views challenged in any way, then meditation should be avoided at all costs.  In short, if a human being likes his or life the way it is and does not want to change anything about it, then he or she should not meditate under any circumstances. 

No one warned me that my world would be turned upside down if I engaged in daily meditation.  I went through a small depression because I felt as if the circumstances in my life were forcing me to become something I felt I would not have chosen willingly. After closer examination, I realized that my old life really was not that great in the first place.  This new beginning was the best thing that could ever happen to me.  I figured that I would give an advisory caution to those new or thinking about getting into meditation.  Once a person’s perspective on the world changes, then he or she will never be able to revert back to old thinking patterns.  One needs to make sure that the practice of meditation is for him or her before he or she makes it a daily habit.    

Finding your true Voice

Finding one’s own voice can be a difficult challenge to overcome.  It can be hard to tell if the conclusions that a person comes to are the right ones.  Listening to other people will most likely lead one astray from his or her own beliefs.  This is especially true when an individual is trying to achieve something that takes a group effort.  At the end of the day, each person has his or her own reasons for accomplishing the same goal.  This is what makes achieving something on a grand scale so challenging.    

I have difficulty finding my voice a good majority of the time.  This is because I want to make sure that I have everything straight before I start a venture of some kind.  The problem of trying to get everything right the first time is that change occurs as things progress.  It is nice to try to plan things out, but the trouble with this philosophy is that an individual can only plan a little ahead of time.  Perfectionism leads to procrastination.  Procrastination leads to missed opportunities, which in turn leads to despair and then silence.  A person has to learn to follow his or her dreams from the moment that he or she has these ideas.  Once the individual starts actually living authentically, then those with similar values and beliefs will start to appear.  If people waver in what they want to do, then this will lead to mixed results.  Their voices will not appear as strong because their beliefs have not been solidified. 

Speaking one’s truth means sticking by one’s guns regardless of what the outcome might be.  It means investing a good chunk of your own resources with the faith that everything will turn out alright.  I wavered too much in what I wanted to do with myself because I was afraid that things would not work out.  By not choosing a clear path, I actually made a situation that I am current facing a lot worse than it had to be.  I fell into despair about a week ago, and now I am trying to reclaim my voice once again.  I have a lot work that I need to do if I want to get where I want to go. 

When one uses his or her true voice fully one hundred percent of the time, then doors start to open for the individual.  When an individual uses his or her true voice only part of the time, then he or she will be headed towards a fall.  If one is going to go for something, then he or she needs do so with complete conviction without any regrets.  Success is something that is achieved.  It is not something given to those who lack the belief to take a big leap.          

A Fragment in time that Changed my life Forever

Author's note:  (I just wanted to share something that I wrote a little over a year ago.  I recently have been a little down and out, but then I realized how far that I have come.  My thoughts are a lot more coherent now than ever before.  This is because of all of those who have taken time to read what I have written.  If no one read what I have posted, then I would have never gone anywhere.  Thanks goes out to all that have stood by me all of this time.)  

A person’s career is one of the most important aspects in his or her life.  Choosing the right path in regards to employment can be rather hard task due to pressures from the outside world.  A closer look at the personal traits of an individual will reveal the career that is best suited for him or her.

I am a heavily introverted person and tend to be receptive of the world instead of active.  I am slow to process information while evaluating the world around me before I come to any conclusions whatsoever.  I have a constant barrage of thoughts going through my head every second of the day.  I am a very imaginative human being despite coming off as mechanical in everything that I do.  Unordinary thoughts pop into my head at times when they shouldn’t.  I used to get angry at myself for being this way.  I wanted to be like everyone else and focus on the task at hand as it is presented to me.  However, I was not meant to be this way.  My inner world will always be a lot stronger than my outer world.  My inner world will dominate me even if I am in a room with hundreds of others.  When I lose my voice within my head due to sounds from the outer world, then I get frustrated and want to leave the area.  This is because I tend to pop in and out of existence when my inner world is threatened.  Without my thoughts, I am just a corpse, and I cease to be a human being. 

Working in call center poses huge problems in regards to my personality type.  I take calls back to back with no breathing room in between.  The loud beeping gets annoying quickly each time a call comes through.  The cell phone reception these customers have is complete garbage.  The volume of the static is unbearable in a lot of cases.  This means that my inner world is taken away from me.  This means that I pop in and out of existence while on the phone with other people.  This can create confusion in my speech, and so I will have to end up restating information multiple to customers due to my inner world and outer world competing for my attention.  My mind does not know which one to pick, which results into speech that can sometimes seem nonsensical. 

Break times are also a huge deal for me within the confines of the call center.  We have two fifteen minute breaks within an eight and half hour period.  There is a half hour time slot for lunch that can be taken away if calls keep coming through at an alarming right.  In situations such as this, everybody works through lunch.  The company provides, but what is the point when no one has time to eat it?  A person can only pack so much food into his or her cheek.  Everyone is also required to work mandatory on call on weeks assigned to them.  If a person has an early schedule, then he or she could be working up to four hours extra without any extra break.  People need adhere to the schedule that is given.  There is a bit of leeway regarding the time someone’s paid break begins and ends due to how long the last call runs before that individual can use his or her break time.    Going to the bathroom twice in ten to twelve hours is not enough for anyone with a sensitive pelvic floor.  I am sure others with a standard functioning pelvic floor are suffering as well, but to a lesser degree. 

The way the call center operates with sick days is flat out ridiculous.  If a person calls out sick, then he or she has to call three different numbers.  The employee needs to call his or her supervisor, the attendance line, and the human resources department.  The human resources department should not have any say on sickness whatsoever.  I had a few issues regarding potential gingivitis and pharyngitis.  I also had a few doctor appoints and a meeting with a lawyer that I needed to be present for during the winter months of 2016.  Because the company was in the middle of high bill season, I was not allowed take off for any reason.  I used sick time in order to go to all of my appointments.  It turns out that the company no longer offers the option to use the floating holidays everyone receives on a yearly basis as sick time.  I was formally written up for being sick too often.  One of days I was sick was due to the company encouraging me to go home due to coughing up a storm for a week straight.  The reason that this issue transpired is because the departments within the company that I work for do not communicate with one another.  Every time I have called down to another department to ask a question about a process for a customer’s account, the person on the other line has no clue what needs to be done.  No one talks to one another about anything or anyone.  Once an individual moves from the call center to another department, then he or she forgets all the knowledge that was learned during his or her time taking calls.  An employee should carry knowledge from one department to another even if the knowledge learned does not relate directly to the workload that the employee will be responsible for.  What is the point of doing a job if you are not going to learn anything from doing it? 

All of these events have led me to contemplate about embarking on a new career path.  It is clear that a highly sensitive individual such as myself has no business in a call center.  This call center is for extraverted who react to situations quickly without any kind reflection.  I do not know how to smooth things over in a nice way.  I am not overly blunt with the customers that I talk to everyday, but I do not know how to say things in order to alleviate the angry emotions that the customers are experiencing.  This is because I have to stick to the “script” that I was given in training.  If I cannot interact with the public in an honest and fulfilling way, then what is the point of my job other than to appease people?  If I cannot apply the skills I have learned throughout the entire company, then how can I take my career seriously when all I am doing work to keep myself busy. 

Because of all of the hustling that I have been doing, my health has declined.  I do not eat or drink the way that I should.  My lower back arms hurt from being leaned over a desk all day.  The door to the bathroom is also ridiculously heavy, and has definitely hurt my arm.  Eight hours of sleep is not enough for a person with a dominant inner world.  I will sleep for eight hours and wake up feeling drained.  My throat is dry and scratchy all the time.  I actually was diagnosed with adult allergies.  I am not one to question doctors too often, but the diagnosis I was given was not correct.  I think my issue is that my voice and throat gets tired of yelling at people because no one understands me when I speak at a regular.  This constant yelling has caused me to have throat issues.  The lack of sleep probably contributes to my sinus problems.  Eight hours of sleep is not enough recharge my body.  The customers steal every ounce of energy that I have.  This means that I have no energy to engage in any extracurricular activities on the weekends.  The weekends are spent sleeping or listening to music in order to build up the strength for the following work week.  When I finally took a vacation, my health improved in just three days.  I no longer had pain in my back or arm.  My mental energy could be used in a productive manner.  I did not feel like I had to rest up for two days in a row just to be able to survive.  One might say that almost every person does not like his or her job.  While that may be true, not everyone has a job that impacts their well-being so much that there they cannot do anything else.  These issues go beyond not liking my job.  It is destroying my essence as a living creature.  A highly sensitive introvert like me needs a career path that meets my need to create while also allowing me time alone to recharge my energy.  Everyone has to face obstacles that go against who he or she is as a person at some point, but no one should be forced to act the opposite way to how he or she actually is every day of his or her life.  I need a career that allows me to put my best foot forward.  Anyone can do anything for a short amount of time and be fine.  For example, suppose that someone is great at working with appliances and electronics obtains a job as an editor for a publishing company.  He or she might be good at the job for a while, but his or her extraverted needs will not be met sitting inside a room at a computer not talking to people on a regular basis.  This person will eventually feel as though he or she is wasting his or her talent editing papers.  This individual would most likely feel more actualized working as a plumber instead of remaining locked in one room all day long.  Who you are will eventually catch up with you.  A person has to choose what is important to him or her.  Should a person sacrifice his or her health for financial security, or should he or she feel good about him or herself from a mental perspective and sacrifice material perks to feel healthy on the inside? 

The answer is pretty clear in my situation.  I need to leave the extraverted life of the call center in order for my health to improve.  I will have to worry about money for a while, but in the end, I will feel better about my mental state.  I will be able to be creative and feel as though I have enough energy to finish things to completion.  There will be some tough times ahead, but I have weathered through the employment storm before, and I can do it again.  I need to find my purpose in life.  The universe is not going to put me through sixteen surgeries and a gender transformation just so I can sit inside of a call center and not be able to interact with others as an authentic human being.      

Changing One's Perception Through Dream Analysis

Dreams can be quite a mystery when it comes to interpreting them.  Each person dreams every night during sleep.  Most view dreams as nothing more than a fantasy world that one goes to at night.  This philosophy could not be further from the truth.  Understanding one’s dreams can give a person more insight into him or herself than he or she ever imagined.  The representations within the dream world might give information about where one should go in life. 

The first step to understanding one’s dreams is to keep a dream diary.  The dreamer needs to write in the diary every day right after he or she wakes up in the morning.  The more time one wastes before writing the dream down, the less he or she will remember about what events took place while asleep.  Dream image retention will increase the more dreams are written down.  Dreams will become more vivid the more one pays attention to them.  The dreamer might feel as if he or she is traveling through time.  There will be a feeling as if an individual has been somewhere during the night upon waking.  An individual might remember what was said in a dream or at least remember that someone was speaking in what seemed to be a foreign language. 

The second step to remembering dreams is applying knowledge when attempting to interpret dreams.   This can be a little more difficult than it seems.  Dream books or websites can help the dreamer in some cases, but the majority of the representations in dreams can only be deciphered by the one having them.  In other words, an individual has to apply what they already know about him or herself to get the most out of the dream representations.  For example, I recently had a dream about moving to the countryside with a friend.  This friend then got angry because I went to a video game store.  For whatever reason, my brother and father were at the store as well.  I picked up Mortal Kombat Trilogy on the original PlayStation.  The game was in one of those double CD cases.  The front of the case had a deep crack in it, but the spine was still intact.  I also picked up some collection that contained Resident Evil 4, 5, and 6 on it.  I realize that I forgot my money, so I asked my father to pay for everything.  The interpretation of the dream is mirroring what is happening in my waking life.  I am trying to move out of a house that I have been living in for thirty one years.  I am also trying to look for opportunities beyond the call center job that I had for three years.  Old memories and thought patterns still pop in my head from time to time.  I used to play video games a lot when I was younger.  I was known as the expert at Mortal Kombat in my circle of friends.  The games that I purchased represent old memories or baggage that I have been hanging onto for a while.  The games on the shelves represent different thoughts and memories.  The double CD case could represent a stronger memory from my past than the Resident Evil collection.  The deep crack in the case probably indicates the age of the memory.  The Mortal Kombat franchise has always resonated with me since I was eight years old.  I also was not financially independent at a younger age.  My father paid for everything.  The themes of this dream as a whole are new opportunities and old beliefs.  I am trying to rid myself of the old in order to make room for the new.

Dream interpretation in a nutshell is repetition combined with applied knowledge.  One needs to keep writing out his or her dreams in order to become a good interpreter.  The dreamer needs to understand him or herself beyond a surface level in order to potentially understand the representations within dreams.  Once one has put forth a good amount of effort in following the steps to interpreting dreams, then his or her life will most likely get better as a result.  The dreamer will be able to find out things about him or herself that he or she never considered previously.  This change in one’s perception will eventually put the individual on the correct life path.        

The Inspiration for Living an Authentic Life

A person can feel intuitive about particular events that are coming up in his or her lives.  The outing itself might seem small and insignificant at first, but then the message becomes quite clear further down the road.  One might leave with something different than what he or she came for to begin with.   

I was out at an expo for disabilities last Saturday. I heard that the expo was going to have free wheelchair repair, so I naturally assumed that it would have walker repair as well. I took my rollator walker because it functions a little bit better than the other one I use on a regular basis. My mother in law drove me to the expo and dropped me off.  I arrived at the location two hours early and waited for the event to begin. The technician in charge of the repairs came over to me and asked if I needed any work done on my rollator. I did not seek the individual out whatsoever. His station was all the away on the other side of the room. 

I decided to listen to the band that was playing in the arts area of the expo. I had to use the bathroom. When I was done washing my hands and reached for the handle of the door to the exit, I suddenly pulled back and went to the side. Just as reached the wall someone else came inside the bathroom. There is no way I could have heard her coming because of the loud music.  I would have gotten hit by the door if I had not moved out of the way.   

I went over to the independent living booth later that day and asked about housing. I was turned away because the booth did not have anything of value. I got a few pamphlets with a list of organizations, but I already spoke to most of them in the past.  They all turned me away because I made too much money. 

I decided to walk the rest of the expo floor to see what else was there.  There was a booth there that had a picture of angels.  It was probably a church of some kind.  I then saw an angel on the back of some person’s shirt.  I did not see any writing to go along with the picture.  I took this as a sign that I was supposed to be at the expo after all.   

I was going to leave the expo after I finished resting up from walking the floor.  Something in my head told me to stick around to see what else would pop up. Quite a few people on the autism spectrum put on some performance later that day. There was a keyboardist that mastered a song by ear. Someone else was able to sing quite well. There was also some kind of act revolving around exercise. I took this as inspiration for me to start playing an instrument again. I began playing the guitar back in October of 2015. I stopped playing when I started getting sick a lot. 

I saw the organizer in charge of the all the artistic talent at the expo.  I went over and let her read my blog post about seeing a disability as a gift instead of an obstacle.  I did not have an extra copy to give her, so she copied it with her phone.  I wish I would have had a card with my information on it to give out.  The woman gave me a card with her information on the back of it, and then I went to my seat to finish watching the show.

I might not have found what I was looking for when I came to the expo, but I left with something even more valuable.  I left the event more inspired than ever before.  Those who were “worse” off than I was built a career based around their talents, so why could not I do the same thing?  It will take a while, but I could definitely make a career out of my gifts to the world.  The people at the expo did it, and they are fine.  I can do the same thing with my talents.  All I need to do is put myself out there and see what happens.  I know what type of life that I want to live.  Now I have to build it piece by piece.              

Using your Talents to Shape the Life you Deserve

Changes in life sometimes come at a blink of an eye.   An individual is sitting at a dead end job thinking that life will not get any better one day only to wake up and figure out what he or she is supposed to be doing with him or herself the next.  One could become spiritual for what seems like no reason at all.  This happened to me, and I could not be happier with the changes that are occurring. 

I first got into helping others because I saw a lack of understanding through everyday conversations that I would have with others.  I noticed that the average Joe tends to mix up Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis.  One is a disease while the other is a birth defect.  A disease impacts the body over time while the other impacts the body one time during birth.  In other words, a birth defect will cause a person’s body to degenerate over the course of his or her life.  There are different degrees as to how a birth defect affects the individual, but it will not worsen over time. 

I have had a disability for thirty one years.  I know all the ins and outs of Cerebral Palsy.  The major conclusion that I came to during a crossroads in my life is that a disability is actually a gift in disguise.  When one follows his or her passion, then the obstacles he or she faces begin to disappear.  In other words, once an individual engages in what he or she is meant to do, then negative situations become the exception instead of the rule.  Each person living on this planet is a teacher of some sort.  Everyone is an expert in something whether they believe it or not. 

The only reason why a disability is seen as just that is because of the way society is structured at the moment.  The majority of society sees those with disabilities as people who are disadvantaged who need to be brought up to speed with “everyone else.”  This is not the case at all.  Once the disabled as well as the rest of society takes their power back, then no one will need to be brought up to speed.  The disability that one has will then be transformed into a gift that can be used to help him or herself as well as others.  Once the gift is used for its proper purpose then all of the challenges surrounding it will vanish.  No one will need to receive assistance from the government.  Everyone will be in charge of themselves and live with everything they need in order to survive on a daily basis. 

The main issue that hold people back from achieving their dreams and a stable living environment is fear.  When an individual focuses on fear more than his or her creative pursuits, then that is when negative things start happening on a regular basis.  When people think of someone who works as an artist, they always put the word “starving” in front of the noun.  The fact of the matter is that the opposite is true.  When one focuses on what he or she was meant to do, material goods and financial stability start to appear out of the woodwork.  The consensus believes that a salary position in a company with a 401k is the best thing since sliced bread.  In actuality, what a salary position does is lock a person into receiving a minimal amount of pay for an amount of work that is most likely worth four or five times as much. 

I chose writing as way to share my knowledge with others.  I have always been one to go into detail about absolutely everything.  I would always tell everyone to explain the whole thing whenever they would bring a topic  up.  Instead of just posting comments online, I figured that I would actually try to use my gift to help express myself more effectively as well as inspire other people.  This is what my purpose is in this lifetime.  I am supposed to take the knowledge I have gained, and use it to assist others in bringing out their best qualities.  As long as I follow this path, then I will always have what I need in order to live a happy life.

Everyone is born with a gift that they must share with the rest of the world.  This gift will tie into the life purpose of each individual on the planet.  Once people start following their own path, their gifts will become more accessible than ever before.  Everyone will then live in abundance and the lack of what is required to function on a daily basis will not be an issue any longer.   

Eating Healthier from the Inside Out

Eating healthy can be a challenge for many people.  A lot of people have lost touch with their bodies due to the fast paced nature of our environment in the twenty first century.  People are always in a rush to cram as many activities as they can in one day.  Most individuals do not take time to slow down to listen to what their body is telling them.  I ate what I wanted all the time without caring what I did to my body.  Once I started feeling sick on regular basis is when I finally started listening to my body a lot more. 

The first thing I stopped eating when moving forward with my diet change is pepperoni.  I noticed that I would cough up a huge amount of phlegm every time I would eat pizza. I then decided to try cutting out pepperoni to see what would happen.  The next time I went for a pizza, I ordered one with plain cheese.  After I finished eating, I noticed a huge contrast of how I felt this time around compared to all the other times I had pizza with pepperoni.  I no longer coughed up any phlegm.  The only thing I need to work on now is not eating pizza in large quantities. 

Beef was a food that I did not think was half bad the majority of the time.  I stopped eating beef around six months ago due to how heavy it made me feel.  Beef also irritated my stomach to a degree as well.  I thought at first that maybe it was just me, but this was not the case.  Every time I would eat beef, my stomach would end up feeling terrible later on in the day.  I had to give beef up because my body just could not take it anymore.  I came to realize that I did not miss the food itself all that much.  I guess that beef never really was a major part of my to begin with. 

The key to realizing which foods are good for one’s health, and which ones are not so great is by listening to the body in complete silence.  One will be able to hear his or her stomach trying to process the food that was eaten a few hours earlier.  If the individual hears the stomach making all kinds of noises, then this most likely means that the food eaten earlier is something that it does not like. 

Another thing a person can do to improve his or her diet is to avoid eating to the point where another bite cannot be taken.  When an individual feels “full,” then that is an indicator of being overstuffed.  People can eat without feeling full and still have obtained enough nourishment.  No one needs to stuff themselves to where they are forced to stop eating.  The stomach will thank the individual for eating less later on in the day. 

I am not trying to tell anyone what to eat.  I am just trying to give information about how to tell which foods are good for an individual based on his or her own body.  No one will know which food is right until the impact on the stomach is felt.           

Getting Around Mobility Issues

An individual’s time in school can be quit rough depending on his or her circumstances.  The people in charge of the public school system as well as secondary education are not fit to run institutions in general.  This is especially true when mobility is involved in regards to people with disabilities. 

During my high school and college years, I had quite a difficult time with trying to get around.  I went to high school in Reisterstown Maryland.  The school was all one level, but it had a few sets of stairs that separated each wing of the school.  In order for me to get down a set of stairs, I had to use a lift that required a key every day that school was in session.  The principal of the school would not allow me to have my own key to the lift in order to operate traverse the school of my own free will.  One of technicians at the school had to ride down with me every day so that I could get to my fourth period class during my junior year.  This solution to my issue was a terrible one. 

I had a similar issue when I went to Mount Saint Mary’s University in Emmitsburg Maryland.  I had to visit the library in order to find information for papers that I had to write for all of my different classes.  The school was built in the 1800s, and so there was only so much the school could do to accommodate people with disabilities.  I had to call the librarian every time I wanted to visit the library.  He or she would then let me in through some sort of basement entrance.  The elevator that went up to the main floor could barely hold the wheelchair that I used to get around.  The people who ran the library would not let me have my own key.  I had to call the person on duty up quite often just so I could search for books. 

It is kind of sad that there were not any alternative options for people such as myself.  Everyone has the right to get a good education.  I guess I was lucky that the library also had an online database to look for information as well, but that is not a solution to the problem I faced.  I do not see why places cannot just have some electronic lock with a secret code by an entrance that is accessible to everyone.  There would be no more issues with mobility if this kind of measure was put into place.  Everyone could come and go wherever without having to call someone else to let him or her inside.  Maybe this idea will be implemented in every type of education facility one day.  We will just have wait and see. 

Dealing with Inflammation

Inflammation has been an issue that I have dealt with for the past twelve years.  This is due to the hypersensitivity of nerves located in a specific set of muscles on the body.  The burning sensation that inflammation brings can be quite hard at times.  It pulls individuals away from what they love and forces them to focus their attention on something that is rather undesirable.  I started having issues with inflammation when I developed a condition known as Pelvic Floor Disorder. 

I was first diagnosed with Pelvic Floor disorder in January of 2009.  The issues with my pelvis started four years earlier when I obtained a urinary tract infection.  It burned when I went to the bathroom.  I went to the hospital, and the doctors there gave me pills to clear everything up after they catheterized in order to extract the waste from my bladder.  I was fine for about a year and a half afterwards, and then I got infected in the same area once more.  Pills cleared the infection up, and I went on with my life.  During Christmas of 2008, I began having difficulty urinating.  There was a little bit of a burning sensation this time as well, but not as bad as when I had the other infections.  My urologist told me that I my problems with relieving waste might be more than just a simple infection.  The nerves in my pelvic floor that control the involuntary sphincters have become hypersensitive most likely due to age.  I saw another doctor for a second opinion, and he agreed that I had Pelvic Floor Disorder.  This guy told me that it was a progression of my Cerebral Palsy.  After the doctor gave me his two cents regarding my problem, I decided to stop seeing him altogether.  Cerebral Palsy does not get progressively worse through time.  It is a birth defect.  A person will remain affected by Cerebral Palsy to the same degree throughout his or her lifetime.  There are different degrees of this birth defect, but the degree does not change depending on time or age. 

My pelvic floor condition does not allow me to empty my waste properly.  Sometimes I will have to go to the bathroom twice in one hour just to relieve myself completely.  I also become constipated rather often.  I sometimes sit on the toilet for about an hour and a half trying to have a bowel movement.  My involuntary sphincters will flip out for what seems like no reason.  I have come to realize that the sphincters spaz out when my nerves become inflamed.  My fecal matter will remain at the bottom of the toilet instead of floating to the top like everyone else’s.  Cleaning out the toilet bowl becomes a nightmare because of this fact.  My condition can make it difficult to enjoy any activity in life.  I do not know when I will have the urge to go to the bathroom.  I also will have to sit in pain due to the inflammation that can arise even when I do not have to use the bathroom. 

The main thing I learned when dealing with the pelvic floor as well as inflammation in general is to keep the area clean.  One should go to the bathroom when the urge is first felt.  An individual would be wise to start eating smaller portions during every meal of the day.  This will ensure that the stomach and bowels do not become extremely irritated at a later time.  Pills have never really helped my nerves that much, so I would not suggest trying to relieve pain in this manner..  As long as one is active aware of his or her body, then inflammation of any type can be manageable without too much intervention. 

Fragile Ego

The ego can be a very illusive part of an individual.  People have a tendency to speak of another person’s ego in the arrogant sense of the word.  The particular individual thinks too highly of him or herself.  The ego can also lean towards the other extreme known as self-loathing.  This is when the particular individual thinks poorly of him or herself.  There is not a whole lot of discussion about people who take on the ego of others.

I was born with a condition known as Cerebral Palsy.  Because of this birth defect, my mother did not think I could do anything by myself.  I did not learn how to wipe my butt while going number two until the age of ten.  I basically saw myself the way my mother saw me.  I thought I could not do much of anything without any type of assistance.  My mother was always too afraid to let me do anything by myself, and I ended up absorbing this perception as my ego.  I did not start trying new things on my own until she passed away. 

My father valued both money and career.  He did not put much value in anything else besides those two things.  I ended up getting a job at my local utility company as a call center representative.  This company held the same values as my father.  I had to answer calls as fast as possible so that the statistics for the day would remain positive.  I ate unhealthy foods and stressed myself out when I failed to meet monthly quotas.  Once I started to have thoughts about doing others things besides working in a call center, I thought I was going insane, and I eventually sought out therapy.  The reason I had difficulty accepting my own thoughts was because I absorbed the perception of my father as well as the utility company. 

I am now starting to develop an authentic sense of self for the first time in my life.  I am quite a peaceful individual.  I do not worry about things nearly as much now that I have stopped trying to live up to other people’s expectations.  My main goal right now is to continue developing my own sense of self.  I am tired of absorbing the perceptions of others.  I want to have my own perception of who I am as a person .  I already know how everyone else sees me as well as the world.  Now it is time for me to ask how I see myself as well and the world. 

I guess the ego really is the most fragile aspect of a human being.  If the ego can change itself without much effort in order to fit in better with everyone else, then clearly the ego is supposed to be used to as a tool to fulfill of something higher than itself.  My ultimate task in this incarnation is to live a more soul centered existence.  As long as I follow my path, then I will not have a reason to absorb energies from anything else.      

Legally Female

(Please read "The Power in a Name" before reading this post.)

After getting my name changed in July of 2015, I thought it was time to get my other legal documents changed as well so that there would not be any confusion down the road.  Changing one’s name was a pretty simple process.  I hoped that altering documents such as my social security card and my birth certificate would not be too difficult. 

I got my social security card changed in the middle of August 2015.  Social Security only required the paper showing my legal name change and some basic information from my doctor in order to issue a new card.  The card came in the mail less than a week later.  I expected a longer wait time due to the fact that any federal organization takes forever to notify anyone about anything. 

The next big hurdle I faced regarding legal documentation happened in October 2015.  I went down to the Department of Vital Records to get the information on my birth certificate changed.  The department branch in Baltimore County is located inside of a shopping mall of all places.  My case was pretty cut and dry.  I forgot to get a letter from primary doctor stating that I had been on hormones for a year and a half.  I almost left the department without getting my gender marker changed.  I was lucky that I the representative who took my case went out on a limb and decided to call my doctor to confirm that I had been on hormone therapy for a year and a half.  I ended up paying fifty dollars for two copies of my birth certificate.

I was quite shocked at how easy it was to change all of my legal documents.  I have heard about horror stories in other states, but nothing seemed to be too terrible in the state of Maryland.  All I needed was paperwork showing that my name had been changed by the court, and that was it.  There were a lot of minor bureaucratic errors trying to reach the person in charge of changing the information on my documents, but those are going to exist no matter what the issue at hand may be.  All anyone can do is keep pushing forward regardless of what kind of obstacles get in the way.  Once one accepts the challenges that come with going through a gender transition, then everything else will eventually fall into place.  Winning is guaranteed as long as an individual’s outlook remains positive.