Molehills to Mountains

Minor pet peeves can get bigger if an individual does not honor his or her emotions.  If one does not create a boundary for him herself, then things can go south pretty fast.  It is always that one person who disrespects another individual in small ways that add up over time.  This person in my life is my roommate.

The relationship as a whole is not too terrible.  I found it rather annoying that she laughed at me when I said that I wanted a new dresser for Christmas this past year.  Both she and I were not doing that well financially last year.  Even with this fact, I did not appreciate the laughter.  I should have said something in the car when this competition conversation transpired, but I did not want to start an argument over it.  Being positive can be difficult sometimes due to my roommates negativity.  Sometimes I absorb her negative thinking and believe that it is my own.   I was worried about doing my taxes while living under the table in a different place than what is on my legal documents.  The thing that I did not realize at the time is that my roommate prefers the apartment to look as if no one else lives there but her and so that line of thinking entered my head while trying to get my taxes done for the current year.  I still have ways to go in deflecting the negativity of others.

My roommate is always in a rush to get somewhere.  I question where she is trying to get half the time because I do not understand the reaeon behind it.  She would drive me somewhere, and then rush me to get out of the car.  It is only a few minutes more, so I don't understand what the big deal is really about.   You always have more time. Time does not go anywhere   My roommate seems like she has a split personality.  She can be so gentle at times, and then gets caught up in anger.  It is rather weird.

Maybe I try too hard to look past an individual's fault in order to see his or her more positive traits.  I should call her out on things when they happen and stick up for myself more often instead of letting things slide.  The truth of the matter is that the relationship does not work.  it never has.  My roommate let me stay at her place due to a foreclosure on my father's house.   It is time for me to move on and say goodbye.  There's no point in trying to prolong my stay.  We are in two different worlds trying to occupy the same space, but it is not working any longer.  Letting go can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil when it comes to moving forward in one's life.  I accept that this aspect no longer works, and I want to embrace the new coming into my life.

Finding your true Voice

Finding one’s own voice can be a difficult challenge to overcome.  It can be hard to tell if the conclusions that a person comes to are the right ones.  Listening to other people will most likely lead one astray from his or her own beliefs.  This is especially true when an individual is trying to achieve something that takes a group effort.  At the end of the day, each person has his or her own reasons for accomplishing the same goal.  This is what makes achieving something on a grand scale so challenging.    

I have difficulty finding my voice a good majority of the time.  This is because I want to make sure that I have everything straight before I start a venture of some kind.  The problem of trying to get everything right the first time is that change occurs as things progress.  It is nice to try to plan things out, but the trouble with this philosophy is that an individual can only plan a little ahead of time.  Perfectionism leads to procrastination.  Procrastination leads to missed opportunities, which in turn leads to despair and then silence.  A person has to learn to follow his or her dreams from the moment that he or she has these ideas.  Once the individual starts actually living authentically, then those with similar values and beliefs will start to appear.  If people waver in what they want to do, then this will lead to mixed results.  Their voices will not appear as strong because their beliefs have not been solidified. 

Speaking one’s truth means sticking by one’s guns regardless of what the outcome might be.  It means investing a good chunk of your own resources with the faith that everything will turn out alright.  I wavered too much in what I wanted to do with myself because I was afraid that things would not work out.  By not choosing a clear path, I actually made a situation that I am current facing a lot worse than it had to be.  I fell into despair about a week ago, and now I am trying to reclaim my voice once again.  I have a lot work that I need to do if I want to get where I want to go. 

When one uses his or her true voice fully one hundred percent of the time, then doors start to open for the individual.  When an individual uses his or her true voice only part of the time, then he or she will be headed towards a fall.  If one is going to go for something, then he or she needs do so with complete conviction without any regrets.  Success is something that is achieved.  It is not something given to those who lack the belief to take a big leap.          

Alignment with the Universe

Everyone experiences a rough patch in their lives from time to time.  Some people cave to all the pressure while others fight every little change that occurs.  The solution to handling difficult times in life is not to take on too much all at once.  The universe will have one’s back as long and he or she is authentic in his or her feelings and keeps pushing forward.

As I have stated many times before, I am losing my childhood home, and I am having a tough time trying to stabilize my life from a financial standpoint. I have realized that I can only do so much every day.  My spiritual awareness has grown quite a bit this year.  All of the big incidents that have taken place have led me to start writing everything down and sharing it with the world in hopes that my words might inspire others to take charge of their lives. 

I have been rather tired for the last three couple of days, and I have not been writing a whole lot during this time period.  My dreams reflected this behavior while I was sleeping.  I had dreams of an old music teacher, a step sister playing a violin, and my brother rewriting dialogue for old anime television shows.  These dreams were just my mind telling me that I am on the correct path, and that I should continue to develop my talent as a writer.

I have begun seeing the number 1 repeat itself quite frequently after I starting making blog posts regularly.  Repeating 1s as well as the number 11:11 usually indicate that a person is in alignment with the universe.  It seems obvious as to why I am going through such a difficult time right now.  I was not in the proper profession, and I was not using my talents to inspire others before everything came crashing down.  All of these obstacles in my life were trying to help me look inward so that I could find my talent and use it for the benefit of mankind. 

Now that I have started to align with the universe, all the other problems in my life do not seems so big.  I can rest easier knowing that as long as I give everything my best shot, the universe will help me achieve what I came to this earth to accomplish.  If I was trying to solve every single one of my problems all at once, then I would have missed the sign from the universe telling me to start writing.  I took things a little bit at a time, and now all of my hard work is starting to pay off.   

Anyone can do what I have done.  When one finds him or herself in a bind, all he or she has to do is take things one day at a time, and everything will turn out for the best.  A person needs to make time to work on him or herself when life puts up a brick wall.  This inner work will lead to new insights on what one should do in order to handle any situation that arises.  This will also put all of one’s problems in perspective, and they will no longer feel like mountains that are impossible to climb.   

Finding Your Life Purpose

Finding one’s life purpose can seem rather difficult when he or she is trying to grow as an individual.  One needs to explore him or herself to a great degree before a calling of some sort can be found found.  I have come to realize what my own purpose in this world is due to examining the events of my life.  I also examined my brother’s life as order to see if I could figure out his main purpose for living as well.

Throughout all his life, my brother has always done something with his hands.  When my brother was eleven years of age, he built a guitar out of a K'nex construction set.  He then started playing a real guitar two years afterward.  When my brother first moved out of the house with his girlfriend at the time, he got a job as a construction worker.  Even if he did not like this particular job, it still falls in line with the rest of the events in his life.  Once my brother moved to York Pennsylvania, he got a job as a mechanic working on cars.  My brother then became a parts dealer after he stopped working as a mechanic.

The events in my brother’s life all seem very similar to a degree.  They all have to do with building something in some way shape or form.  My brother’s life purpose is to be a builder.  I am not necessarily saying that he should consider a career in architecture by any stretch of the word, but it is clear that his life purpose deals with something on a physical level using his hands to a great degree.

My life purpose is rather easy to see when one looks at the events that have taken place over the years.  I was born with a condition known as Cerebral Palsy.  Cerebral Palsy is a form of brain damage that happens at birth.  The damage to the brain  affected all four of my limbs  I went through a lot of surgeries when I was a toddler.  My physical development suffered quite a bit due to my condition.

  I have always had a sharp mind.  I played a lot of videos games as a child, and this is how I built up my memorization skills.  I memorized the movesets for characters in games such as Mortal Kombat 2, Killer Instinct, and Street Fighter 2.  I am sure memorizing the multiplication tables also helped me build my mental abilities.  Because I developed the ability to memorize patterns early in life, my mind is wired to remember a lot of things right off the bat even when I do not realize what I have gained on a conscious level.   

I always did well in school due to my good memory.  My mother thought that I was some kind of whiz kid because of how good I was at the basic multiplication tables.  It is interesting that I am terrible at remembering the rules for higher level of math, which include Algebra, and Geometry. 

I went off to community college, and then transferred to a university once I finished grade school.  I then got a job for an online website writing about video games.  After I left that position, I looked for work in a different field.  I scored a few temp jobs before becoming a call center representative.  I was hired by the company to put papers in folders for a meeting at the Baltimore Convention Center regarding gay rights.  In other words, these packets that I was putting together were made to bring awareness to issues surrounding those who are gay. 

My next temp job was at company called LearnItSystems.  The owners hired contractors to make sure that these portable hard drive devices worked for use by students with disabilities outside of the classroom.  The devices had educational programs on them to assist the students with homework.  

I finally got a job at the call center within BGE.  You could say that I "taught" the customers about their bill and other services, but that is giving the company too much credit.  That position feigns interest in the well-being of others from a utility standpoint.  The position at the call center helped me become more self-aware of who I was as a person. 

If a person looks at my life as a whole, one would say that I am "teacher" of some kind that was born to assist others reach their full potential.  The surgeries that I went  through taught the doctors more about my condition and how to treat it.  I have been teaching everyone my whole life about not judging a person by how he or she looks.  I spent a lot of my inside some of type of academic facility.  The part times jobs that I got from temp agencies leaned towards educating others about certain things.  The job at the Baltimore Convention Center was about teaching others about gay rights.  The job at LearnItSystems was about helping people with disabilities learn better through the use of technology.  These hard drives with programs were made to help teach students.  My job at the call center does not educate anyone about anything.  I did expand the awareness about who I was as an individual from working here, so I cannot say that this position is entirely negative.  If I never obtained the job at the call center, then I never would have found my calling in life.  Sometimes a person needs to go in the opposite direction of his or her path in life, so that he or she can correct present mistakes in order to live more fulfilled in the future.     

At the end of the day, a person's life purpose is not as difficult to find as it seems at first glance.  It is quite obvious what my brother should do with himself.  The same can be said for me as well. Confusion only arises when people try to fight what they are naturally inclined to do.  Once we all accept what we came to this Earth to accomplish, then things will fall into place. 

Your Intuition Knows Best

The human body can sometimes seem quite remarkable in the way that it functions.  It has standard processes such as digestion, blood circulation, and bladder control.  The body also has the ability to tell an individual how a given situation is likely to turn out.  This ability is sometimes called a gut feeling while others prefer the name intuition.  No matter which term suits you best, the ability will make you more knowledgeable and save you a lot of time in the long run. 

I ended up learning things the hard way back in September of this year.  I was searching for an apartment to stay in due to short sale happening on my childhood home.  After speaking to a local apartment leasing office in my neighborhood, I came to the conclusion that this particular community was not suitable to my needs.  This place was not accessible for those who are handicapped in some way.  The representative told me that there would be a curb that I would have to traverse, but that would be it. 

I was dead set against going to see the apartment because I knew that the experience would not end well.  I eventually went against my own advice when I received a phone call from the leasing office one day.  The initial e-mail that I received from the leasing office stated that need to have renters insurance before I moved.  I had never heard of renters insurance before, so I wrote an e-mail inquiring what this type of insurance was for.  The woman on the phone explained how renters insurance worked, and we set up a time for an apartment tour.  I decided to go and see the apartment just so I could say I that I had the experience of looking for new place.  I wish I would have listened to my gut. 

I made the appointment for the apartment tour around two in the afternoon.   The address the complex gave me is not the exact address of where the leasing office was located.  I rode around the neighborhood for fifteen minutes before I found the office.  After I spoke to one of the staff members regarding an apartment, and then took me on a tour of the apartment I would be renting.  This woman took my ID card, and then placed in a drawer until the tour was finished.  While I understand this was done for security reasons, I do not know why I was not allowed to have my card back after my identity was confirmed.  We took a ride out to the apartment in the complex’s van.  I get out of the van and went up the curb with my walker only to be greeted by a huge hill. Once I got up to the top, I then walked across three yards before I reached the back entrance to the vacant apartment.  While going across the other people’s yards, all I could think about was snowfall.  It was at this point that I made up my mind not to take the place.  The apartment itself was actually pretty good.  It had only one bed room, but it also had a den and living room.  The den was just as big as the bedroom was.  There was no washer and dryer, but the utility room was right across the hallway from where I would be staying.  The only catch was that I had to buy cards for the washer and dryer at the leasing office.  This would be difficult for someone with a disability such as mine.

The apartment tour finally ended, and I was taken back to the leasing office.  I never made it back inside the actual building.  The woman gave me back my ID card, and did not even invite me inside while I waited for Lyft to pick me up. 

The Lyft driver took forever to reach me.  This was not his fault at all.  As stated earlier, the address to the leasing office was a bit of a mystery.  I ended up hanging on to the complex’s van for forty five minutes while the Lyft driver tries to find me.  I tried to give him direction on where I was based on his location.  I eventually was picked up, and then I asked to be taken to my local diner.

My intuition gave me all the information I needed to know before I even went on the apartment tour.  I already knew from the very beginning that things would not go well.  My intuition ended up being correct.  There is no reason for anyone to hold on to another person's ID card for a long period of time.  Walking across the yards of other apartments is ridiculous.  Weather is just one issue that I would have had to deal with.  I am sure that the neighbors would not appreciate me walking across their property all the time.  I would not have had to wear my legs out standing around waiting for a Lyft driver either.  Next time I have a gut feeling, I will be sure to listen what it has to say.    

My Sleep Paralysis Experience

The spirit realm is something that remains a mystery to many people.  Everyone has always heard about a world that exists beyond the physical plane, but not many have a strong enough interest in the subject matter to discover whether or not it is possible to cross the lines between these two worlds.

Through no fault of my own, I have developed quite a strong case of sleep paralysis.  This has been going on for the past two weeks.  I woke up, but I was in the dream world somehow.  I felt this presence in the room with me.  A spirit spoke to me, and it said to  stop trying to interfere with matters that do not exist within the physical realm.  The spirit told me to stop looking into astrology.  I do not really understand why an evil being would be so intimidated by someone who barely understands the spiritual world.  I can only assume it is because evil spirits similar to the one that I encountered like to cause trouble. If someone with a good heart becomes more aware of herself, then that might weaken the power a spirit wishing to engage in evil acts. 

The other few times that I have had sleep paralysis were nothing special.  I felt something grab my hands.  It was not evil by any stretch of the imagination.  The spirit did not say anything whatsoever.  After I woke up, I went about my day like any other human being.

Another time I was dreaming I was out in the hallway of my own house, then I went back into my room.  I woke up from the dream and could not move.  Everything looked to be quite normal.  Then I saw black dots scattered everywhere on my bed moving quite quickly.

Most people do not have sleep paralysis as often as I have had it in recent weeks.  I have no idea why I have had episodes so frequently, but I am sure I will figure out what has been happening to me someday. 

This is going to be a journal of my experiences relating to the spirit realm.  Hopefully I will have more interactions beyond my physical limitations in the future.  I want to learn more about the spirit realm and about making contact with other beings that are out there.