Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Does Hard Work Always Pay Off?

As the saying goes "hard work always pays off."  Modern society has this notion that if you suffer through something long enough, then the golden nugget will eventually choose you worthy of having all that you desire.  Here is a question for this philosophy.  If hard work pays off, then why aren't more people happy?  Even after the "desired" result achieved, people are still not content and want more.  The answer to this question is not easily found.

The thing that people miss in achieving what they want is that they believe that their pain will be relieved once the specific result has come to pass.  When people do not feel satisfied with getting the thing they wanted, a common statement from others is "you are never happy with anything."  "Maybe it is not what you really wanted."  Is this really the case?  From my experience, neither one of these are true.  No one is angry about not getting that promotion or that the beach property they moved to is not as good as it seemed when they planned everything out.  People are mad because their internal pain still exists even after they put in "all that work" regardless of the result.  What people are angry about is that they did not find a more enjoyable way to achieve their goals.  Enjoyment or fun is doing something for the sake in itself and not for a means to an end.  In other words, most if not all causes of anger all boils down to not knowing how to achieve goals by taking actions done for the sake of themselves and not as a means to an end.  Happiness is doing something for the sake in itself and anger is doing something for a means to an end.

Most people live a means to an end lifestyle.  We all went to college in order for the promise of a better job.  Then when people get out of college, they complain about the job they have.  They keep thinking that "someday," my hard work will pay off, and I will live "the life."  The work is done and "the life" finally becomes a reality, but the person is still unhappy.  He or she is mad because the end result did not relieve his or her pain from all the "work" that was completed.  One would argue that the individual's expectations were too high and that the pain would not have been so great if he or she just expected less.  Expecting less just means that you anticipate disappointment before even setting out for the goal that is trying to be reached.  Disappointment is just a lesser degree of anger.  The person is saying that he or she will not like any process used to achieve the goal.

Everything comes back to process and self worth.  People always say that something is not worth the "effort," "time," "work," or "aggravation."  Here is the issue with this statement.  It puts the worth on something else other than yourself.  In other words, it is like saying "I do not value myself enough to find a process that I can do for the sake of itself in order to achieve my goals."

Enjoyment of the process is what brings happiness to most if not all people.  When people reach goals by doing thing for the sake in of themselves and not for a means to an end, then not achieving the goal by a specific time is not met with anger.  The journey we take to the end goal is more important than the end goal itself.  This last line is a bit cliche, but it is true.  The process matters more because when choose the process of how we obtain our goals, we are putting the value back on ourselves and not on something else.

Monday, May 14, 2018

The Truth About Job Security

Career and financial securities are probably a top priority for a lot of people.  Everyone wants to know that they will be taken care of all the time.  The old saying goes, “you might be ok with your job, but is your job ok with you?”  Everyone has heard this in one form or another at some point in his or her life.  In could not be further from the truth.

I recently had a position at Toyota Financial Services.  I was a customer representative for the lease end department.  I spoke to people about their excessive wear and use bills along with disposition fees.  I have worked in call centers before, so the complaints about how much things cost were nothing new to me.  My supervisor stated that he needed to do some side by sides with me so he could get a better picture of how I handle customers.  It took him two weeks to sit down with me during four phone calls to make sure I was doing everything right.  I had already been taking calls for a month before this transpired.  This was one of the telltale signs that told me the job I was doing was not the right one for me.  I would sometimes stare out the window and look at the shining its bright light on everything in sight.  I would think to myself, “wouldn’t it be awesome if I could be out in the sun right now instead taking calls from customers that ultimately do not want to pay their bill no matter how little money is owed.  This was another sign that the job I was doing was not in my best interest whatsoever.  I use Uber and Lyft quite often to get myself back and forth from place to place.  I started to get picked up from drivers who “used” to work at Toyota Financial themselves.  This was not only an indicator that I was in the wrong job, but that my time as a customer service representative would come to an end shortly. 

A few weeks after the events described above came and went, I was let go from my position at Toyota Financial Services.  I was not let go due to performance issues.  I was ok with my job for the most part, but my job was not ok with me.  If this were the case, then I would still be there now taking the exact same calls over and over again.  I saw all the signs telling me to get out, but I did not think that my time would come so soon.  The reason given for my termination was because I was absent too many times within a short period.  I was only out three times within two months. 

What I learned is that there is no such thing as external security.  It is up to the individual to be secure in his or her own decisions.  What may seem secure may disintegrate in the blink of an eye.  There is no point in holding yourself back in life due to the false sense of security that something else may bring an individual.  Everyone secures themselves by committing to their decisions.  That is the only security one has in life anyway.  We can only secure the choices that we make.  Everything else is always up in the air.        

What Fear Really Means

When a person decides to engage in something, he or she usually does this based on how much fear is present within him or herself.  Everyone speaks of fear as if it is multifaceted in some way.  There is only one fear, but the human mind puts labels on what that one fear is for the individual.  No one is actually afraid of anything itself.  What people fear the most is the perceived lack of knowledge of how things will work out.

The human mind loves being guaranteed something.  The guarantee eases us into believing that we have knowledge of how a situation will work out.  No one actually fears lack of money, home, friends, or relationships.  What these fears are is actually just the feeling of not having the knowledge of how things will fall into place.  What actually leads to negative situation is when people try to control everything in their lives so that nothing bad happens.  The more that a person tries to make something happen a certain way, the harder it usually ends up being for him or her. 

I have been dealing with lack of knowledge issues myself in recent times.  My whole world changed completely in March of this year.  I got a new job working for Toyota Financial Services.  Three weeks after I landed this job, I scored a job interview in my desired city of Phoenix Arizona three weeks later.  I took my chances and flew out there for the interview.  I never had been to Phoenix before, but I have been doing a lot of research about the area because I plan to move there by the end of June.  Yes, I put my current job at risk in order to achieve something better.  It turns out that the job was not quite up to par with what I had been told over the phone.  I ended up not getting the job anyway.  I was not too crushed because deep inside I knew I was worth more.  Did fear pop up and make me wonder I was going to make my move happen since I did not have all the information?  Yes it did.  I will succumb to it from time to time.  All fear does is keep a person from moving forward.  The individual keeps beating to the same old drum, and he or she gets stuck in a loop.

I then had an opportunity to go to Maui for a mindset workshop.  Getting a plane ticket to Maui is not cheap on an income of $17 an hour, but I did it anyway.  The decision to take this trip was up in the air for a couple of days.  I wrestled with this decision for a lot of hours before deciding that I wanted to change my life once and for all.  I wavered back and forth on this decision because I feared the lack knowledge that of how things will turn out.  I still remain uncertain even now about how everything will be paid for as far the entire event is concerned, but all I can do is live an authentic life and have faith that something will pull through before everything takes place.  I invested all the resources I had into traveling and changing my life around for the better.  All I can really do at this point is let my investment work for me. 

Due to changing my priorities, I lost my position at Toyota Financial Services.  This made me doubt everything I invested in up into this point.  My mind went into a loop, and I thought all of my decisions were garbage.  In actuality, all that really happened is that a new road opened up for me.  In order to go down this new road, I had to put on my turn signal and get off the old road so that I could travel on the new one.  My bank account at a glance looks a lot smaller than it did a few weeks ago, but this is not the case.  I have not allowed the money I invested to finish working for me in order to bring a greater amount of return.  Most people would say that I do not have money right now, but that is because my money all tied up in investments.  Do I feel comfortable about this all the time?  The short answer is no.  Do I still fear the lack of knowledge regarding all of these investments?  The answer is yes.  The only thing is that I have to go through with it anyway because a better life awaits me on the other side of this perceived lack of knowledge. 

There is no trick to winning against the one and only fear.  The goal is not to make the fear less prevalent, but to make one’s desire to live their truth stronger than the lack of knowledge. Once a person’s desire to live his or her truth is big enough to make the lack of knowledge seem small, then he or she will see that fear is just an illusion that was created by the mind.     

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Tips on Parenting a Child with Disabilities

When speaking of disabilities, the focus always in on the on the individuals who are suffering from them.  There is not a whole lot of guidance for parents living with other individuals with disabilities.  Sure, there are the medical journals that try to prepare the anticipating mother and father about what they can expect from their child, but the content within this medium only gives the basics.  One size does not fit all, when it comes to children who are disabled.  Here are some other tips to consider when going about day to day life.
·         Accept the fact that your child functions differently than those who do not have a disability.  The child will have to learn how to do things that might seem to go against the “norm” of how everyone else was taught.  Do not try too harshly to appear too “normal” in order to function in society.  Do not let everything slide, but do not become so strict to the point where things are more difficult than they really have to be. 

·         Avoid telling your child that his or her life is harder than everyone else’s.  The only reason why this is said is due to limited thought patterns.  If you find alternate solutions to problems, then your child’s life does not have to be harder.

·         Find a balance between letting your child do things him or herself and helping out when necessary. 
·         Avoid taking the seemingly easiest route in every case.  We all do not like hurdles in life, but sometimes these hurdles show us things that we never realized before.  Your child will have his or her own set of challenges that he or she must face.  An example of such a challenge would be a grown child living inside of a rancher home with a parent because most apartment complexes have steps,  While this sounds like the logical option at first glance, this will keep your child from growing as an individual.  Adapting to new situations will help your child realize how capable he or she is as a person, it will give him or a boost in confidence. 

·         Avoid doing something for your child because he or she is too slow to complete the task.  If the task needs to be handled in addition steps, then so be it.  Your child will get faster and learn new ways to do things as his or her skills grow. 

·         Do not tell your child that he or she cannot do something because of their disability.  This can create a lifelong belief that goals cannot be achieved because of something out of the individual’s control.  Since he or she believes that his or her desires cannot be fulfilled due to having a disability, then the individual will not even believe that smaller day to day things can be accomplished.

It is always harder to do the right thing than it is to go with popular opinion.  Disabilities are still seen as something that impacts a person’s life in a negative way with absolutely no positive benefits whatsoever.  The fact of the matter is that people with disabilities have the potential to teach others what it is like to live authentically.  Do not let your child live a mundane existence where he or she feels that life limited in every way possible.  One of the best gifts in life is to share one’s wisdom with others.  Your child will acquire knowledge that a lot of other people will not know about, and this is what makes their potential to succeed in life so great.  

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Molehills to Mountains

Minor pet peeves can get bigger if an individual does not honor his or her emotions.  If one does not create a boundary for him herself, then things can go south pretty fast.  It is always that one person who disrespects another individual in small ways that add up over time.  This person in my life is my roommate.

The relationship as a whole is not too terrible.  I found it rather annoying that she laughed at me when I said that I wanted a new dresser for Christmas this past year.  Both she and I were not doing that well financially last year.  Even with this fact, I did not appreciate the laughter.  I should have said something in the car when this competition conversation transpired, but I did not want to start an argument over it.  Being positive can be difficult sometimes due to my roommates negativity.  Sometimes I absorb her negative thinking and believe that it is my own.   I was worried about doing my taxes while living under the table in a different place than what is on my legal documents.  The thing that I did not realize at the time is that my roommate prefers the apartment to look as if no one else lives there but her and so that line of thinking entered my head while trying to get my taxes done for the current year.  I still have ways to go in deflecting the negativity of others.

My roommate is always in a rush to get somewhere.  I question where she is trying to get half the time because I do not understand the reaeon behind it.  She would drive me somewhere, and then rush me to get out of the car.  It is only a few minutes more, so I don't understand what the big deal is really about.   You always have more time. Time does not go anywhere   My roommate seems like she has a split personality.  She can be so gentle at times, and then gets caught up in anger.  It is rather weird.

Maybe I try too hard to look past an individual's fault in order to see his or her more positive traits.  I should call her out on things when they happen and stick up for myself more often instead of letting things slide.  The truth of the matter is that the relationship does not work.  it never has.  My roommate let me stay at her place due to a foreclosure on my father's house.   It is time for me to move on and say goodbye.  There's no point in trying to prolong my stay.  We are in two different worlds trying to occupy the same space, but it is not working any longer.  Letting go can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil when it comes to moving forward in one's life.  I accept that this aspect no longer works, and I want to embrace the new coming into my life.

The Fear that Lurks Deep Within

The first time I felt the need to leave my job was when I was kicked off on storm duty in January 2016.  My supervisor said that I was too sluggish getting inside the building when there was thirty inches of snow on the ground.  She also indicated that I was holding up other people from starting work on time because they needed to help me get inside.  I got put up in a hotel, and the company almost made me pay for it.  After I returned to work, I started getting sick left and right.  I had Pharyngitis, and I was diagnosed with adult allergies.  My supervisor kept telling me to go home a lot.  When I eventually caved in, I got hit with a warning for taking too many sick days.  mMy father eventually passed away and I could not find adequate transportation back to work.  I got on short term disability, and I was told that my leave could last up to a year by the HR supervisor.  The head nurse Sallie Dicus kept pushing me to go for  long term disability even after I told her that no doctor would sign for it.  I saw a psychiatrist, and he stated that he would need to see me for a few months before he would sign anything.

My whole problem was the company I worked for would not make any good accommodations to help me continue with employment.  The company was perfectly capable of turning me into a mobile representative.  Due to a specific rule that says a rep needs to have all three skill levels to become mobile is ridiculous.  I had high marks on all my call reviews and was exceeding expectations.  The company should have met me halfway, but policy was policy and nothing could be done.

I'm grateful for the experience because it taught me how to stand up for myself.  I now know how to make quick and important decisions because of everything that transpired.  I have learned to take my power back.  This whole incident created my fear of working in corporations as a whole, but the only reason the fear existed was because I was too afraid to go to extremes to better my life. 

To add insult to injury,  I have taken a shadow job instead of going for the one that I really want.  The job that I have taken has a lot of similarities to the job that I really desire, but it's just not as good.  I had the idea that if I took one job that I could not have the other one.  However, I can always leave a job for the real one at any point.  I fear being locked into a contract, and not being able to escape.  The thing I need to understand is that I and always a free agent.  No one owns me whatsoever.  I can pick and choose how I run my life.  If a few bridges burn, then so be it.   There are plenty more bridges to be crossed. 

Monday, January 15, 2018

Life is what you make it

Life can throw a bigger curveball than expected.  It is important that one keeps a positive attitude and outlook during this time.  when a person believes that he or she has already achieved his or her goals then things will flow more smoothly.  The negative aspects of a situation will not seem so terrible as they might look at first glance.

The smaller things are what one needs to remember when faced with hard times.  Health mobility, and thoughts almost always are taken for granted by most people.  If someone has the ability to get up in the morning without an issue, then  he or she can physically make things better for him or herself.  Thoughts are what dictates what a person does on a day-to-day basis.  If someone chooses thoughts that allow him or her to be adaptable,  then a positive outcome will be reached.  The more a person thinks about the struggle he or she is facing the more difficult it will become. whatever one puts out into the world will come back to him or her later on down the road.  This is why showing gratitude for what one has is important. The more a person is happy with what he or she does have, then the faster other desired goods will come into one's life. 

Life is made up of whatever one focuses on the most.  Options are always available to everyone, but a lot of them are not taken into consideration due to the fear of things not working out.  The options that are passed up could be the best way to change one's situation.  The key is to be open to anything that presents itself and things just might go in the desired direction.