Does Hard Work Always Pay Off?

As the saying goes "hard work always pays off."  Modern society has this notion that if you suffer through something long enough, then the golden nugget will eventually choose you worthy of having all that you desire.  Here is a question for this philosophy.  If hard work pays off, then why aren't more people happy?  Even after the "desired" result achieved, people are still not content and want more.  The answer to this question is not easily found.

The thing that people miss in achieving what they want is that they believe that their pain will be relieved once the specific result has come to pass.  When people do not feel satisfied with getting the thing they wanted, a common statement from others is "you are never happy with anything."  "Maybe it is not what you really wanted."  Is this really the case?  From my experience, neither one of these are true.  No one is angry about not getting that promotion or that the beach property they moved to is not as good as it seemed when they planned everything out.  People are mad because their internal pain still exists even after they put in "all that work" regardless of the result.  What people are angry about is that they did not find a more enjoyable way to achieve their goals.  Enjoyment or fun is doing something for the sake in itself and not for a means to an end.  In other words, most if not all causes of anger all boils down to not knowing how to achieve goals by taking actions done for the sake of themselves and not as a means to an end.  Happiness is doing something for the sake in itself and anger is doing something for a means to an end.

Most people live a means to an end lifestyle.  We all went to college in order for the promise of a better job.  Then when people get out of college, they complain about the job they have.  They keep thinking that "someday," my hard work will pay off, and I will live "the life."  The work is done and "the life" finally becomes a reality, but the person is still unhappy.  He or she is mad because the end result did not relieve his or her pain from all the "work" that was completed.  One would argue that the individual's expectations were too high and that the pain would not have been so great if he or she just expected less.  Expecting less just means that you anticipate disappointment before even setting out for the goal that is trying to be reached.  Disappointment is just a lesser degree of anger.  The person is saying that he or she will not like any process used to achieve the goal.

Everything comes back to process and self worth.  People always say that something is not worth the "effort," "time," "work," or "aggravation."  Here is the issue with this statement.  It puts the worth on something else other than yourself.  In other words, it is like saying "I do not value myself enough to find a process that I can do for the sake of itself in order to achieve my goals."

Enjoyment of the process is what brings happiness to most if not all people.  When people reach goals by doing thing for the sake in of themselves and not for a means to an end, then not achieving the goal by a specific time is not met with anger.  The journey we take to the end goal is more important than the end goal itself.  This last line is a bit cliche, but it is true.  The process matters more because when choose the process of how we obtain our goals, we are putting the value back on ourselves and not on something else.

Molehills to Mountains

Minor pet peeves can get bigger if an individual does not honor his or her emotions.  If one does not create a boundary for him herself, then things can go south pretty fast.  It is always that one person who disrespects another individual in small ways that add up over time.  This person in my life is my roommate.

The relationship as a whole is not too terrible.  I found it rather annoying that she laughed at me when I said that I wanted a new dresser for Christmas this past year.  Both she and I were not doing that well financially last year.  Even with this fact, I did not appreciate the laughter.  I should have said something in the car when this competition conversation transpired, but I did not want to start an argument over it.  Being positive can be difficult sometimes due to my roommates negativity.  Sometimes I absorb her negative thinking and believe that it is my own.   I was worried about doing my taxes while living under the table in a different place than what is on my legal documents.  The thing that I did not realize at the time is that my roommate prefers the apartment to look as if no one else lives there but her and so that line of thinking entered my head while trying to get my taxes done for the current year.  I still have ways to go in deflecting the negativity of others.

My roommate is always in a rush to get somewhere.  I question where she is trying to get half the time because I do not understand the reaeon behind it.  She would drive me somewhere, and then rush me to get out of the car.  It is only a few minutes more, so I don't understand what the big deal is really about.   You always have more time. Time does not go anywhere   My roommate seems like she has a split personality.  She can be so gentle at times, and then gets caught up in anger.  It is rather weird.

Maybe I try too hard to look past an individual's fault in order to see his or her more positive traits.  I should call her out on things when they happen and stick up for myself more often instead of letting things slide.  The truth of the matter is that the relationship does not work.  it never has.  My roommate let me stay at her place due to a foreclosure on my father's house.   It is time for me to move on and say goodbye.  There's no point in trying to prolong my stay.  We are in two different worlds trying to occupy the same space, but it is not working any longer.  Letting go can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil when it comes to moving forward in one's life.  I accept that this aspect no longer works, and I want to embrace the new coming into my life.

The Fear that Lurks Deep Within

The first time I felt the need to leave my job was when I was kicked off on storm duty in January 2016.  My supervisor said that I was too sluggish getting inside the building when there was thirty inches of snow on the ground.  She also indicated that I was holding up other people from starting work on time because they needed to help me get inside.  I got put up in a hotel, and the company almost made me pay for it.  After I returned to work, I started getting sick left and right.  I had Pharyngitis, and I was diagnosed with adult allergies.  My supervisor kept telling me to go home a lot.  When I eventually caved in, I got hit with a warning for taking too many sick days.  mMy father eventually passed away and I could not find adequate transportation back to work.  I got on short term disability, and I was told that my leave could last up to a year by the HR supervisor.  The head nurse Sallie Dicus kept pushing me to go for  long term disability even after I told her that no doctor would sign for it.  I saw a psychiatrist, and he stated that he would need to see me for a few months before he would sign anything.

My whole problem was the company I worked for would not make any good accommodations to help me continue with employment.  The company was perfectly capable of turning me into a mobile representative.  Due to a specific rule that says a rep needs to have all three skill levels to become mobile is ridiculous.  I had high marks on all my call reviews and was exceeding expectations.  The company should have met me halfway, but policy was policy and nothing could be done.

I'm grateful for the experience because it taught me how to stand up for myself.  I now know how to make quick and important decisions because of everything that transpired.  I have learned to take my power back.  This whole incident created my fear of working in corporations as a whole, but the only reason the fear existed was because I was too afraid to go to extremes to better my life. 

To add insult to injury,  I have taken a shadow job instead of going for the one that I really want.  The job that I have taken has a lot of similarities to the job that I really desire, but it's just not as good.  I had the idea that if I took one job that I could not have the other one.  However, I can always leave a job for the real one at any point.  I fear being locked into a contract, and not being able to escape.  The thing I need to understand is that I and always a free agent.  No one owns me whatsoever.  I can pick and choose how I run my life.  If a few bridges burn, then so be it.   There are plenty more bridges to be crossed. 

The Ignorant Empath

Energy can be a difficult source to identify.  Everything itself is made up of energy, so one would not think that it would be a hard concept to understand.  The truth of the matter is that identifying the energy of a specific thing is rather challenging when an individual absorbs the energy of others and does not realize it.

I am what might be labeled as a thought empath.  Other people’s thoughts tend to stick with me for quite some time after they have been expressed.  This also means that I absorb a lot of the negative energy from others.  This happened a lot when the house from my childhood was up for short sale.  I was still living in the place at the time due to having nowhere else to go.   Most of my family kept worrying about me becoming homeless.  That was also a worry of mine as well, but I did not think the bank would be too quick to claim a property that was so run down that it was not even worth half the amount of the loans taken out against it.  Instead of having more of an optimistic outlook on the situation, I began to absorb all the negativity my neighbor would express about the whole housing issue.  Since I had my own worries about housing, I did not realize how much of an impact he was having on my thoughts.   Then one day, my neighbor came over to have me sign some papers in regards to the short sale, since he was also the realtor trying to sell the place.  I was feeling generally happy before he showed up.  After my neighbor left, thoughts of homelessness kept coming back into my head throughout the day.  I could not shake them whatsoever. 

Energy from others can also have an impact on the speed at which I receive thoughts as well as the mood I am currently experiencing at the current moment.  I tend to have quite the imagination.  When I am around a whole lot of noise, my imagination goes on overload, and my mood skyrockets into a level of euphoria unknown to most people.  Even after I leave the area where all the noise was occurring, it takes me a while to get back into a balanced mood.  Thoughts keep coming and the laughter never stops.   Sometimes I can get this way when I am all alone, but the euphoric mood is usually more prominent when I am in a room with a lot of people or noise.  In other words, the euphoric mood strikes when there is a lot of energy moving around. 

I always believed that all the thoughts I ever had were my own, but it turns out that this might not be the case.  I just have to learn how protect myself in the future from rooms with a lot of energy flowing back and forth.  I also need to realize that maybe not every thought that pops into my head is my own.  The seed of a certain line of thought might actually be from someone else, and has nothing to do with me at all.  Only time will tell how much truth there is to this new knowledge I have acquired.    

Independence is a Nightmare

Taking big leaps in life can be difficult for absolutely everyone.  They can be devastating for those who have never lived independently at any point during his or her life.  Independence is a freeing experience, but it means that the illusions one might have lived under are now gone.  One finally realizes the weight of every decision he or she makes. 

I lived a sheltered life when I was younger due to being born with Cerebral Palsy.  My mother did not let me do anything by myself.  She always insisted on helping me with absolutely everything.  I never learned how to do basic things like dressing myself, going number two, and tying shoes until much later in my childhood than most other people. 

My father saw me as a source of pride.  He was proud of me for graduating college.  This was not for my sake.  It was for bragging rights on how well his bloodline was doing.  I had to do everything the way my father wanted without question.  Every time I would fight him on something, he would bring up the fact that he paid for my college education. My father also helped me get from place to place since I could not drive.

My job mimicked the relationship that my father and I shared.  I was told what to do and when.  I spoke to people on the phone using a script template helping them with their unpaid bills.  The only thing was that most people did not really want help understanding anything.  All they wanted to do was complain about why they could not work or whine about every minor tax charge on the bill.  The customers would ask what all of the tax charges meant.  I hated explaining every minor tax charge because there really was not a straight answer what each tax item.  I wanted to tell these people that taxes are part of life and to stop nickel and diming everything. Maybe they would they would get somewhere in life is they actually put effort towards something productive instead of arguing taxes that add up to a dollar on the second page of a bill.  I actually failed a call one time just because I politely told a customer that the reason that his was high was because he had not payment on it in five months.  I was told that I should have told him about energy saving tips instead.  Each individual bill was not high so telling the customer about the energy tips would have been incorrect information. 

After my father passed away last year, I felt free for the first time in my life.  I could actually do what I wanted.  I started studying a lot as well as writing.  I had started a youtube channel a few years earlier and went back and forth on whether I should continue making videos.  I thought that I would eventually find my way if I followed my passions to a degree.  Now everything has come crashing down. I lost my job, my doctor, my family, and my home.  I never had anything in my name before my father passed away, so organizations including homeless shelters will not help me.  I still have not narrowed down what I want to do with my life.  I do not know how to take steps to write for a living or counsel others.  I do not have the money for school.  Due to transportation restrains, I cannot afford to travel far away for job interviews.  I majored in philosophy when I went to college and graduated with Bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts.  I decided to go into philosophy because I was bad at both math and science.  I lack practical skills outside Microsoft Office.  I do not perform well in fast paced environments.  Due to not being able to drive, my chances of being promoted to a high position by a company are rather slim.  Corporations want people that can adapt to new situations immediately.

Since I have lost everything in the area I am living now, I decided that the best course of action is to move far away.  I kept getting blocked from getting a place in the Baltimore area, so I took that as a sign that I should not be here anymore.  I do not know how to take steps to move somewhere else, and I cannot get help from anyone else because everyone I know is living in survival mode and feel that they cannot sustain themselves if they are not working at their jobs 24/7. 

I have begun to wonder if counseling others and writing is what I truly want to do, or is it something that seems desirable because it is better than call center work.  What if somehow I found a practical application for writing and counseling, but ended up hating it?    It does not seem like I will actually get the chance to see if that is true or not since I cannot figure out how to actually make money doing what I say I like to do.  Most of the daily grind jobs out there right now are customer service or sales jobs that pay less than where I was employed.  If my soul screamed like a banshee for me to get out of my current job, then why is it being so coy about what I should do next with my life?  When things are not going the way the universe wants, it will make a person ill so he or she will slow down and focus on other things, but when the individual does not know the steps to take, the universe only gives out small hints on what to do.  How did I get too sensitive to work in a call center in the first place?  I worked for two years without a problem, and then all the sudden, everything about the place bothered me to no end.  I also got sick a lot as well. 

I am not trying to state that the universe is against me, but I feel as though it is having its cake and eating it too.  It tells me in a sharp manner to head a different direction than the one that I have been going towards, but then it uses the “free will” card when it comes to what I should do next.  Where are all the theatrics and light shows when it comes to my new path?  Where was the “free will” card before I started having lucid dreams and incidents of sickness telling me to go in a different direction?  As I stated earlier I worked at the call center years without much of a problem.  I was fine with the job back then.  I never asked to have lucid dreams.  I did not know that lucid dreaming was possible, nor did I attempt to have a lucid dream.  Where was my   Now I have to get a similar job to what I just had that will pay a lot less.  Then when I do not have time to engage in my passions, the universe will once again come up on me and make me sick all.  I will be back to square one.

I do not know how to finish the cycle I am in right now.  I do not know how to meet my needs in a way that is actually beneficial to my sense of self.  I get thrusted in this new direction with no clarity about how to navigate.  I learned a lot of things and met many great people, but all of this does not help me manifest what I want in a practical way.  I have a lot of obstacles in my way that I do not know how to overcome by myself without help.  I have already asked help from others numerous times and was turned away. 

I do not understand how the universe expects me to be this independent right out of the gate.  People usually have to learn the ropes before they can do everything by themselves.  I am not completely in the dark.  I know how to take care of daily practical matters, but I am being asked to figure everything out myself even though the obstacles I face can only be overcome by multiple people.  I am just beginning to do things on my own, so why am I facing challenges that somebody with twenty years of experience of being independent would have a tough time handling?  I have asked the spirit world for help as well, but all I ever see is mixes 1s and 7s, 3s and 7s, 4s and 7s, and 1s and 6s.  The first three mixed numbers indicate that I am headed in the right direction.  The last number means to ask for help from others in regards to a material situation.  I am not going to count the times that I have asked for help and was turned down. 

I have done everything that I can possibly think of at this point.  The only thing I have not done is look how to ship my belongings across the country.  I will probably try that next.  My life in Baltimore is pretty over at this point, and staying that much longer would just be procrastinating the inevitable.  If there is not anything here, then that is it.  Under normal circumstances, one needs to plan out a big move, but all the events that have taken place are hardly traditional by any stretch of the imagination.  I am just going to have to figure out how to use my newly found sensitive and my writing skills as I go along.  I am not a huge fan of this approach, but it is all that I have as of right now.           

Is Meditation Right for Everyone?

Meditation is a practice that a lot of people get into when their lives start going downhill.  One’s health could also take a turn for the worse as well.  Most use meditation in order to calm down from a stressful situation.  The only thing people do not realize is that the practice of meditation may end up changing the way they perceive the world.  Unintentional changes may occur if meditation is performed regularly over an extended period of time. 

When one meditates, he or she calls back to his her own energy as well as the energies of the universe as a whole.  The first thing an individual will most likely notice is that minor ailments will heal after about a week or two.  My arm was always sore from opening up the bathroom door at my job.  My arm healed up within a week after I started meditating regularly.  Falling asleep can occur to beginners even if one is not lying down.  An individual might experience a lucid dream when this transpires..

After meditating for about three months, an individual might be able to feel his or her own aura.  He or she might write it off as some body parts falling asleep, but this is not the case.  An individual will eventually learn that there is nothing wrong with him or her whatsoever.  What is actually happening is that the person’s awareness is growing.  The aura that is felt always existed, but it always went unnoticed by the individual.    

With all of these changes occurring, one’s beliefs about many things will also go through a metamorphosis.  I used to eat beef semi regularly before I started to meditate.  I stopped eating beef almost altogether five months after I started meditating.  The same most likely has happened to a lot of others. 

One will also start to notice synchronicites.  The individual will start learning that coincidences are nothing more than things with similar energy coming together.  When a person thinks or says a certain word to him or herself, he or she will notice that something else will resemble the same thought somewhere else in the room regardless if it is written form, from the TV or spoken from someone else in another seat.

If the career a person has is not doing him or her any good, then regular meditation will eventually lead the individual to rethink what he or she is doing in life.  This happened to me as well.  I was working in a call center trying to achieve arbitrary daily statistics because I thought that doing this would actually bring me success.  My job was the only thing that I cared about.  After I started meditating on a regular basis, I realized that I needed to start writing again.  I also came to the conclusion that I was a healer and needed to help other people take their power back. 

Meditation has many benefits, but it can also have quite a few drawbacks depending on the eye of the beholder.  If an individual likes his or diet, friends, job, residence, town, interests, and hobbies, then he or she might not want to meditate very often if at all.  If a person is happy with living in three dimensions and has no interest in learning what coexists along with it, then it is advised not to meditate.  If an individual likes his or her own opinions and does not want their views challenged in any way, then meditation should be avoided at all costs.  In short, if a human being likes his or life the way it is and does not want to change anything about it, then he or she should not meditate under any circumstances. 

No one warned me that my world would be turned upside down if I engaged in daily meditation.  I went through a small depression because I felt as if the circumstances in my life were forcing me to become something I felt I would not have chosen willingly. After closer examination, I realized that my old life really was not that great in the first place.  This new beginning was the best thing that could ever happen to me.  I figured that I would give an advisory caution to those new or thinking about getting into meditation.  Once a person’s perspective on the world changes, then he or she will never be able to revert back to old thinking patterns.  One needs to make sure that the practice of meditation is for him or her before he or she makes it a daily habit.    

The Willingness to Change Leads to truth

Going through a spiritual ascension can be a rather difficult period in one’s life.  The individual’s beliefs start to change.  All of the friends a person had seem to drop off the planet for no reason.  The individual cannot seem to figure out the next step to take in his or her life.  Cold symptoms as well as hot flashes start appearing on a regular basis.  The sicknesses never escalate into anything serious. 

I started going through a spiritual ascension around two weeks ago.  The symptoms I was feeling mimicked the dental issues that I had back in the winter of 2016.  I thought some more teeth were infected in my mouth.  The right side of my face hurt quite a lot.  This issue calmed down six days later.  I then started feel small burning sensation in my legs, feet, and lower back.  The back of my head also felt like this as well.  They feel like hot poker burns.  This type of inflammation feels hot temperature wise.  The inflammation comes and goes spontaneously. 

I have been going through some serious fatigue.  I do not feel like doing anything a lot of the time.  Going to the bathroom has also changed as well.  My body tends to want to release fecal matter a little at time in chunks that are less solid than usual.  My body also does not feel as heavy even after eating foods such as lasagna or pizza. 

All of the symptoms are probably just indicators of something much bigger that will happen to me.  I am not talking about moving from one place to another or getting a new job.  Something else will happen that will tie everything together.  Whether this is something big in itself or something small that will be used to propel me forward to where I am supposed to go.  The solution to all of my issues is not going to be something easy.  I am going to have to take a huge leap if I want live my life my way.  No one else is going to be able to help me do it.  Most people do not bother taking their own power back.  I am trying to break free from the “daily grind” and live a life worth living.  I can only rely on myself to reach this goal.  There might be others here and there that might help me do specific things, but the rest is up to me. 

A spiritual ascension will push individual to his or limits.  It is going to strip away everything that is false about the individual with only the core exposed.  A spiritual ascension is where one’s authentic self truly starts to come into its own.  An individual can try to go back to what he or she did before, but it will not last.  The old way of living will collapse in on itself and take the person along with it.  One can either choose to follow his or her heart willingly, or the universe will use circumstances to force the individual to change.  Everyone has the will to decide to live up to their own truth or choose to hide away for the rest of their lives.  I am trying to change willingly.  I still have my bad habits, but I am still trying to push forward anyway.  I look forward to making the most of this energetic change that I am going through.  The changes that a spiritual ascension brings do seem scary from time to time, but they are most likely necessarily for an individual to achieve his or her desired goal.   

Little Things Do Matter

Life sometimes teaches that the little things in life do matter.  This can be seen in everyday occurrences.  People can either choose to see circumstances and daily events however they want to. The good in life is always there, but one has to be receptive to receiving it.

I use the UIber cell phone car service quite often.  After the driver pulls up to my place, he or she  usually tries to help me get in his or her vehicle.   These people always want to put my walker in the trunk, but they are clueless how to fold the apparatus so that it will fit. I then show the drivers how everything works, and we both have a laugh.

During the actual ride, the drivers will ask about my disability.  Some think that I have the condition known as Multiple Sclerosis, but I tell them that I have Cerebral Palsy.  I also give a short detailed explanation of how my disability affects me on a day to day basis.  The drivers are always impressed with  how high functioning I seem to be.  They also tell me that I have a great attitude for someone with my condition. 

In some instances, these people will tell a story about a troubling time in their lives as well.  One lady that drove to me to a local diner in the neighborhood suffered blindness due to high blood pressure during pregnancy.  She went completely blind for six months.  The doctors thought that she would never recover.  A miracle somehow transpired, and the woman regained her sight.  This person once again sees things without any major issues. 

As long as a person keeps trying to go for the things he or she wants in life, then the possibilities are endless.  If I let my disability dictate what I could or could not do, then my life would feel very difficult and limited.  The rough parts of life exist to help people grow stronger.  They show us that we are capable of much more than we realized previously.  The trick about rough patches in life is that they all start out as something small and expand outward.  Nothing big ever just hits somebody out of the blue.  The only reason why someone believes that something came from out of nowhere is because he or she was not open to the smaller changes taking place all around him or her beforehand.  When a person ignores change, then his or her point of view remains stagnant.  Change is always happening, but people fail to see it because they have their own agenda about how things are supposed to be.  Things are not supposed to be any way at all.  I can either see my disability as a limitation, or I can see it as something that sets me free. 

Cerebral Palsy has allowed me to be more open about my life with others.  It gets people to think about and ask questions beyond life's mundane tasks.  My disability invites conversations from others who might not have spoken to me if I were able-bodied. 

The little things in life do matter because everything has the potentiality for change to occur.  I made the Uber drivers rethink their position about what it means to have a disability.  Anyone can change the world, but he or she must act on his or her thoughts for the desired result to happen.