The Challenge that is Forgiveness

Everyone goes through tough situations in their lives.  During these trying times, a person can be in a relationship with someone else that is not fulfilling whatsoever.  The relationship continues to exist because both parties feel that they need one another for a specific reason.  Neither party will realize that he or she could have existed without the other until a major event drives them apart.  I had this type of relationship with my father.

The relationship my father and I shared was based mostly around material goods.  I have a condition known as Cerebral Palsy.  This makes it difficult for me to traverse any kind of incline.  At the time, I thought I was unable to obtain my own place.  I worked ten to twelve hours a day at my call center job.  I remained ignorant to every other aspect of my life.  I did not really notice my father’s health like I should have.  I was too busy trying to climb the corporate ladder to really focus on my father’s health.  He took thirteen pills twice a day.  Most of the pills were for difficulties with the heart.  My father had quadruple bypass surgery in May of 2004.  He wanted to get fried chicken his first day home from the hospital.

I did not do a lot at home.  The house was always a mess because my father never put anything away.  I was too drained from arguing with people about their bills to even give a crap.  I did clean my father’s messes up quite a few times, but then I got tired of it.  He used to yell at me for taking out the trash because it was “easier” for him to do it.  The only problem is that my father never did it.  The trash bins would overflow, and he would let everything sit.

My father became a bump on a log outside of driving me back and forth to work every day.  He would just sit on the couch and watch TV without moving.  His fingers on one hand had turned brown due to lack of bathing.  I told him to go wash his hands while we were at a local diner.  He dunked his hands in a cup of water a couple times and said “there, I washed my hands.”  My father then laughed about as if it was funny that he was so disgusting.  I wanted to punch my father in face so bad that day.  I could not take it anymore.  He had not taken a shower in months.  I am surprised my father made it as long as he did.  If that were me, I would have died a long time ago. 

 The day before my father went to the hospital, I told him that it was his choice whether or not he wanted to live or die.  He went to his primary doctor the next day, and the doctor told him to go to the hospital.  I got out of work around 5:30 P.M.  I waited for an hour for my father to pick me up.  I eventually decided to take a taxi home.  When I got to the house, I did not see the HHR in the driveway.  I did not know what had happened.  I waited around for a few hours until it got dark.  I called my supervisor on the phone, and he told me to call the police.  The police came and took down all the information for my father.  They even went to the local diner to look for him.  The police did not get anywhere and decided to call around to local hospitals.  My father was found at Northwest Hospital in Randallstown.  It turned out that he told the head nurse not to tell anyone where he was located.   This kind of thinking made no sense.

After my father passed away, I found out that he canceled his death benefits with Verizon.  In other words, there was no money to pay off the loans that my father borrowed against the house after the original mortgage was all squared away.  Who would actually do that though?  Why couldn’t my father just tell me that he did not have the money to send me to college?  I could have studied philosophy on my own if I was still interested in the subject matter.  I knew that there were loans against the house, but I did not realize that the benefits policy was canceled.  My father and I got into a fight one time, and he threatened to cancel out the policy, but I never thought anyone would be dumb enough to actually do it.

It has been almost ten months since my father went to the hospital. I will never understand why my father could not trust me enough to tell me the truth.  Then again, it is not as if I made a serious effort to know certain things when he was alive.  I was too absorbed the hive mindset from my job to even think about my own personal needs let alone someone else’s.  I work on letting the past go every day.  Some days are more difficult than others.  I will eventually forgive my father completely.  I will also never forget the lessons I learned from the relationship that I had with him.      

         

Changing One's Perception Through Dream Analysis

Dreams can be quite a mystery when it comes to interpreting them.  Each person dreams every night during sleep.  Most view dreams as nothing more than a fantasy world that one goes to at night.  This philosophy could not be further from the truth.  Understanding one’s dreams can give a person more insight into him or herself than he or she ever imagined.  The representations within the dream world might give information about where one should go in life. 

The first step to understanding one’s dreams is to keep a dream diary.  The dreamer needs to write in the diary every day right after he or she wakes up in the morning.  The more time one wastes before writing the dream down, the less he or she will remember about what events took place while asleep.  Dream image retention will increase the more dreams are written down.  Dreams will become more vivid the more one pays attention to them.  The dreamer might feel as if he or she is traveling through time.  There will be a feeling as if an individual has been somewhere during the night upon waking.  An individual might remember what was said in a dream or at least remember that someone was speaking in what seemed to be a foreign language. 

The second step to remembering dreams is applying knowledge when attempting to interpret dreams.   This can be a little more difficult than it seems.  Dream books or websites can help the dreamer in some cases, but the majority of the representations in dreams can only be deciphered by the one having them.  In other words, an individual has to apply what they already know about him or herself to get the most out of the dream representations.  For example, I recently had a dream about moving to the countryside with a friend.  This friend then got angry because I went to a video game store.  For whatever reason, my brother and father were at the store as well.  I picked up Mortal Kombat Trilogy on the original PlayStation.  The game was in one of those double CD cases.  The front of the case had a deep crack in it, but the spine was still intact.  I also picked up some collection that contained Resident Evil 4, 5, and 6 on it.  I realize that I forgot my money, so I asked my father to pay for everything.  The interpretation of the dream is mirroring what is happening in my waking life.  I am trying to move out of a house that I have been living in for thirty one years.  I am also trying to look for opportunities beyond the call center job that I had for three years.  Old memories and thought patterns still pop in my head from time to time.  I used to play video games a lot when I was younger.  I was known as the expert at Mortal Kombat in my circle of friends.  The games that I purchased represent old memories or baggage that I have been hanging onto for a while.  The games on the shelves represent different thoughts and memories.  The double CD case could represent a stronger memory from my past than the Resident Evil collection.  The deep crack in the case probably indicates the age of the memory.  The Mortal Kombat franchise has always resonated with me since I was eight years old.  I also was not financially independent at a younger age.  My father paid for everything.  The themes of this dream as a whole are new opportunities and old beliefs.  I am trying to rid myself of the old in order to make room for the new.

Dream interpretation in a nutshell is repetition combined with applied knowledge.  One needs to keep writing out his or her dreams in order to become a good interpreter.  The dreamer needs to understand him or herself beyond a surface level in order to potentially understand the representations within dreams.  Once one has put forth a good amount of effort in following the steps to interpreting dreams, then his or her life will most likely get better as a result.  The dreamer will be able to find out things about him or herself that he or she never considered previously.  This change in one’s perception will eventually put the individual on the correct life path.        

Karmic Debt Numbers in Numerology

The karmic debt numbers in numerology is one that indicates which personality traits that one needs to balance in order to live according to his or her personal truths.  Once an individual finds balance within him or herself, then he or she can live up to his or her full potential. 

13/4

These people might have difficulty working hard to obtain the results that they desire.  It is commonly believed that these individuals took shortcuts in a past life or were lazy in some shape or form.  The reason these people might considered “lazy” is due to the fact that they might have a desire to try something new on a constant basis.  Those with this number might get bored easily with a project and move on to something else without letting the previous endeavor flourish.  For example, one might join a country music band only to join a rock band a few months later.  These individuals learn to stick with something for a while and see where it leads.  Those with this debt might benefit from realizing that not every day is going to yield results that seem substantial.  Looking at how much he or she has matured on the inside might help one stick with a project.  Not everything in life is about external rewards.  Try one project for one year without any expectations, and see if any surprises occur.    

14/5 

Those with this number could have a difficulty with balancing work and freedom.  It is commonly believed the individuals took advantage of their freedom in a negative way.  These people could also be workaholics.  They do not care about pleasures in the world.  They will work themselves to death from a literal standpoint.  People with this karmic debt might be in a job that requires them to be of service to others in some way.  The service that is performed could be a negative expression of this debt.  For example, someone might have a ten to fifteen hour shift working in a call center arguing about bills with customers.  Yes, this individual is being of service to others by “helping” them with their bills, but is this actually the best use of his or her abilities?  Most people that call up customer service wish to voice their complaints and opinions about company policies.  Most do not wish to be educated in any way.  This karmic debt is about working hard in positive way while still finding time for pleasure and fun as well.  A tip to overcome the dilemma between work and freedom is to do a little bit of work while expressing one’s freedom.  While going out to eat for dinner, an individual can carry a pen and pieces of paper with him her.  He or she can then proceed to write down ideas about his or her project.  People can also listen to music in that background while they are working on completing a task. 

16/7

Those with this number might have a big ego, or they might not recognize the talents that remain hidden underneath the surface.  It is commonly believed that people with this number might have been part of a royal family in a past life.  People with this karmic debt might have a superiority complex because they know it all.  They need to realize that not everyone knows as much about a given topic as they do.  Others do not think that they have the knowledge to speak on a given subject matter.  These people need to stop being perfectionists.  No one can understand absolutely everything about a single topic.  Issues with the ego could lead to problems with abundance from material and mental perspectives.  A good way to maintain balance with ego is show compassion to the stories of strangers.  Try to meet them where they are in their life and remember a time that every goes through similar situations.    

19/1

These individuals could have difficulty with confidence to a severe degree.  They need to learn to stand up for what their beliefs.  There could have abuse of power in a past life of some kind.  A lot of the issues that these individuals face are in their minds.  For example, someone might suffer from a condition known as Body Dysmorphia.  People with this condition have difficulty having any type of relationships with other people because of how they look.  These people might have a hard time developing their creative talents.  They also refused to take advice from other a lot of the time.  This seems particularly strange.  These individuals are not confident enough in themselves to pursue their own goal but they are too “overconfident” not to take advice or ask for help from others.  In order to maneuver through this number, try going out in public without combing your hair or putting on makeup.  You will be surprised about how little other people care.  Try taking advice from others.  Do not hang on to every word that someone says, but their philosophies might have a few seeds of wisdom.             

The Inspiration for Living an Authentic Life

A person can feel intuitive about particular events that are coming up in his or her lives.  The outing itself might seem small and insignificant at first, but then the message becomes quite clear further down the road.  One might leave with something different than what he or she came for to begin with.   

I was out at an expo for disabilities last Saturday. I heard that the expo was going to have free wheelchair repair, so I naturally assumed that it would have walker repair as well. I took my rollator walker because it functions a little bit better than the other one I use on a regular basis. My mother in law drove me to the expo and dropped me off.  I arrived at the location two hours early and waited for the event to begin. The technician in charge of the repairs came over to me and asked if I needed any work done on my rollator. I did not seek the individual out whatsoever. His station was all the away on the other side of the room. 

I decided to listen to the band that was playing in the arts area of the expo. I had to use the bathroom. When I was done washing my hands and reached for the handle of the door to the exit, I suddenly pulled back and went to the side. Just as reached the wall someone else came inside the bathroom. There is no way I could have heard her coming because of the loud music.  I would have gotten hit by the door if I had not moved out of the way.   

I went over to the independent living booth later that day and asked about housing. I was turned away because the booth did not have anything of value. I got a few pamphlets with a list of organizations, but I already spoke to most of them in the past.  They all turned me away because I made too much money. 

I decided to walk the rest of the expo floor to see what else was there.  There was a booth there that had a picture of angels.  It was probably a church of some kind.  I then saw an angel on the back of some person’s shirt.  I did not see any writing to go along with the picture.  I took this as a sign that I was supposed to be at the expo after all.   

I was going to leave the expo after I finished resting up from walking the floor.  Something in my head told me to stick around to see what else would pop up. Quite a few people on the autism spectrum put on some performance later that day. There was a keyboardist that mastered a song by ear. Someone else was able to sing quite well. There was also some kind of act revolving around exercise. I took this as inspiration for me to start playing an instrument again. I began playing the guitar back in October of 2015. I stopped playing when I started getting sick a lot. 

I saw the organizer in charge of the all the artistic talent at the expo.  I went over and let her read my blog post about seeing a disability as a gift instead of an obstacle.  I did not have an extra copy to give her, so she copied it with her phone.  I wish I would have had a card with my information on it to give out.  The woman gave me a card with her information on the back of it, and then I went to my seat to finish watching the show.

I might not have found what I was looking for when I came to the expo, but I left with something even more valuable.  I left the event more inspired than ever before.  Those who were “worse” off than I was built a career based around their talents, so why could not I do the same thing?  It will take a while, but I could definitely make a career out of my gifts to the world.  The people at the expo did it, and they are fine.  I can do the same thing with my talents.  All I need to do is put myself out there and see what happens.  I know what type of life that I want to live.  Now I have to build it piece by piece.              

A Helping Hand During Difficult Times

Life can sometimes throw people a curve ball that they do not see coming.  When this change occurs, everyone scrambles to put the pieces of their lives back together the way that they were before the change occurred.  The only problem with this is no one is supposed to go backwards in time.  Big changes happen in life that the individual can live more authentically than he or she has in the past.  Everyone is going to need advice on what to do during the transition from the old lifestyle to the new one.  Most people do not realize that they can receive guidance through numbers. 

The numbers 111, 222, and 333, are the most common numbers that people start seeing once they come to realization that there something beyond the physical realm exists.  There is usually a positive meaning associated with each of the numbers.  The number 111 can mean that one is synced up with the universe, or the individual is having are good ones.  He or she should explore those ideas further.  The number 222 can mean that one is living a balanced life.  This person is most likely cooperating well with others.  It can also indicate that an individual has a lot of faith in what in current events that are taking place.  The number 333 is associated higher spirits that might be surrounding the individual.  They could be sending love, encouragement, or new ideas.  Some claim that these higher spirits are angels. 

These numbers can also have a slightly different meaning than what has been stated above.  If an individual is falling away from the path that he or she is supposed to follow, these numbers can be seen as a warning to get back on track.  The number 111 can be a wakeup call to pay attention what is happening in one’s life.  The number 222 could indicate that one needs to have faith in the opportunities that are presenting themselves.  It could also mean that one needs to have more faith in him or herself.  The number 333 might be telling an individual try to balance the physical, mental, and spiritual areas of his or her life more effectively. 

Signs can come in any form.  They not have to be numerical at all.  A good way to see signs of what to do next is through every day conversations with other people.  One might disagree with the opinions of others, but pay attention to the topics that are discussed more than what positions the individuals hold.  These discussions will give a person an idea of where he or she should focus his or her attention to next. 

Everyone always has a helping hand available even when no one else is around to be of assistance from a physical standpoint.  All is that is required is for one to pay attention to his or her surroundings.  If one can look for meanings beyond his or her personal intentions, then bog transitions in life will not feel so terrible.  If an individual can stop forcing his or her agenda, then the right answer on how to proceed will eventually make itself known. 

Using your Talents to Shape the Life you Deserve

Changes in life sometimes come at a blink of an eye.   An individual is sitting at a dead end job thinking that life will not get any better one day only to wake up and figure out what he or she is supposed to be doing with him or herself the next.  One could become spiritual for what seems like no reason at all.  This happened to me, and I could not be happier with the changes that are occurring. 

I first got into helping others because I saw a lack of understanding through everyday conversations that I would have with others.  I noticed that the average Joe tends to mix up Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis.  One is a disease while the other is a birth defect.  A disease impacts the body over time while the other impacts the body one time during birth.  In other words, a birth defect will cause a person’s body to degenerate over the course of his or her life.  There are different degrees as to how a birth defect affects the individual, but it will not worsen over time. 

I have had a disability for thirty one years.  I know all the ins and outs of Cerebral Palsy.  The major conclusion that I came to during a crossroads in my life is that a disability is actually a gift in disguise.  When one follows his or her passion, then the obstacles he or she faces begin to disappear.  In other words, once an individual engages in what he or she is meant to do, then negative situations become the exception instead of the rule.  Each person living on this planet is a teacher of some sort.  Everyone is an expert in something whether they believe it or not. 

The only reason why a disability is seen as just that is because of the way society is structured at the moment.  The majority of society sees those with disabilities as people who are disadvantaged who need to be brought up to speed with “everyone else.”  This is not the case at all.  Once the disabled as well as the rest of society takes their power back, then no one will need to be brought up to speed.  The disability that one has will then be transformed into a gift that can be used to help him or herself as well as others.  Once the gift is used for its proper purpose then all of the challenges surrounding it will vanish.  No one will need to receive assistance from the government.  Everyone will be in charge of themselves and live with everything they need in order to survive on a daily basis. 

The main issue that hold people back from achieving their dreams and a stable living environment is fear.  When an individual focuses on fear more than his or her creative pursuits, then that is when negative things start happening on a regular basis.  When people think of someone who works as an artist, they always put the word “starving” in front of the noun.  The fact of the matter is that the opposite is true.  When one focuses on what he or she was meant to do, material goods and financial stability start to appear out of the woodwork.  The consensus believes that a salary position in a company with a 401k is the best thing since sliced bread.  In actuality, what a salary position does is lock a person into receiving a minimal amount of pay for an amount of work that is most likely worth four or five times as much. 

I chose writing as way to share my knowledge with others.  I have always been one to go into detail about absolutely everything.  I would always tell everyone to explain the whole thing whenever they would bring a topic  up.  Instead of just posting comments online, I figured that I would actually try to use my gift to help express myself more effectively as well as inspire other people.  This is what my purpose is in this lifetime.  I am supposed to take the knowledge I have gained, and use it to assist others in bringing out their best qualities.  As long as I follow this path, then I will always have what I need in order to live a happy life.

Everyone is born with a gift that they must share with the rest of the world.  This gift will tie into the life purpose of each individual on the planet.  Once people start following their own path, their gifts will become more accessible than ever before.  Everyone will then live in abundance and the lack of what is required to function on a daily basis will not be an issue any longer.   

Building a Healthier Future

The world today is extremely fast paced due to all the activities one schedules on a daily basis.  Because we live in a quantity over quality world, people tend to not take care of their health the way that they should.  This will eventually lead to the malfunction of the body.  Once the body starts to fail, then people will not be able live life to the fullest.

My health seems to get worse during the winter months.  My legs become stiffer, and I cannot walk very well.   Sometimes my lower back will hurt so bad that I will just stay in the bed the majority of the day.  I finally decided to do something about these negative conditions a few weeks ago.  I asked my primary doctor to give me a referral so I could go to physical therapy.  I figured that if I strengthened the muscles in the legs and lower back, then I might fare cold weather better in the future.

It felt odd to be in physical therapy once again.  The last time I was in any type of therapy relating to the physical body was after my last surgery in the summer of 2000.  I felt like I was putting on an old hat that I had not worn in years.  I was not sure how this was going to turn out.

The physician that I saw gave me standard exercises for my legs.  I had to move one leg at a time out to the side while on my back.  I had other exercises such as raising my legs in the air as well as toward my chest.  I also had a band tied around my legs and then had to move my legs in opposing directions to fight the resistance put on my lower extremities.

I started to feel the difference in my body after two therapy sessions.  My right hip did not crack as much.  My lower back seemed to be able to withstand some of the colder nights during early spring.  I also began to feel my own aura in my feet on a relatively regular basis.  The symptoms I experience due to having an inflamed pelvic floor did not seem as painful.  I started going to the bathroom more easily than I have in years.

If I would not have made time to go to physical therapy, then my health never would have improved at all.  Slowing one’s self down is a key component to improving one’s body and mind.    Nobody will ever accomplish anything in life by doing the bare minimum so that he or she can move on to the next thing.  Good health takes commitment and patience.  Without those two things, there will be no chance that an individual will improve his or her life.