Life sure has a way of repeating itself over and over again. These cycles occur based off the lessons that we need to learn while we are alive. They also happen due to choices we make. I have learned quite a bit in my thirty years of existence.
The cycles of my life tend to have a span of fifteen years each. The first fifteen years were spent primarily with my mother. I visited my father on Tuesday nights and every other weekend. My mother was the one who took care of me on a day to day basis. Due to having Cerebral Palsy, my mother babied me quite a lot. I did not learn basic things a toddler would know until the age of ten.
All of the surgeries that I went through occurred during this time period of my life. My mother passed away in January 2001. I had just turned fifteen years old five days before the event took place. I have not had any operations since my mother passed away. It is rather obvious that my mother’s existence within my life was to help me obtain the strength needed to overcome my surgeries. Once all the surgeries were finished, then there was no reason for my mother to be a part of my life any longer.
My father became more relevant after my mother passed away. My father did not baby me in the same way that my mother had in the past. I was a very sheltered person when it came to financial resources. Every time I would ask my father about paying for something big such as a car or a college education, all he would say was “don’t worry about it.” I should have taken his words as a clue that things were not as financially sound as he made it seem. I should have been more intelligent for my age, but I let things stay as they were without question.
My father passed away in July of this year. My childhood home is up for short sale, and I am probably going to end up in a place where I do not want to be. I do not have anyone to blame but myself for this outcome. If I would have taken responsibility earlier in life, then I would not be faced with this situation.
My parents were sources of strength in order to help me through the tougher times in my life. My father’s health started to decline once I started pursuing my own freedom. My first big step to achieving independence was coming out as transgender. I got my name changed during the summer of last year. A few months prior to this event, my father went to hospital for blood sugar issues. I started to become more spiritually aware in February of this year. As I became more spiritual, my father’s health went even further downhill. As I became more independent, my father became worse. This situation is very reminiscent of what happened after I went through all of my surgeries. In other words, after I achieved my independence from a physical standpoint, my mother’s health declined, and then she died. Once my independence was strengthened emotionally and spiritually, my father passed away.
Independence is the key word that sums up my life up until now. One could also use the word freedom in my case. My parents were used as a source of strength until I achieved my freedom. Once a particular stage of independence was reached, then there was no need for a particular parent to play a role in my life.
The first half of my life was geared toward achieving my freedom. I am going to use the second half of my life to heal the pain of others in order to help them find a gateway to their own personal freedom. I understand how hard it is to achieve freedom on various levels, and I know that I have the ability to help others in a big way. This is going to be a rather difficult mountain to climb, but it will be worth it in the end. I will feel a lot happier once following my life’s purpose.
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